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Why.... do I feel not good 3 year on.

  • Declan
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06 May 15 #460896 by Declan
Topic started by Declan
Hi there
Its been a while I guess

Three year ago we split. i have obtained Decree Absolute...financial order complete .. basically done and dusted.

I am still in FMH and it is on the market. I will be able to buy property outright no mortgage....

I have a very good income despite ex having a bite of it. I choose to work Part Time now... so i am financially sound--- nice car etc--- i have good health-- gym 3 times a week --friends family

So i have all the ego stuff, yet my soul hurts. Dont get me wrong I realise I am in a better position without the ex. Yeah, i have had a few dates.. yet somehow, you know , just does not feel right.

I cant figure me out . Sometimes I am cracking on then Bang I arrive home to empty house, cup where I left it .... reality time boy...yeah, reality time. That my boy sure does hurt.

I have my hobbies and music to help me along... my guitar ( comfort blanket) cant figure out what I am running away from.

Children flown the nest , scattered around.

Off soon to visit my Dutch friend in Amsterdam. go alone...

I have a couple weddings to attend ( alone) .Am I upbeat about that ... no... Why ... i dunno

Just written a grateful list and intend to keep adding. Trying to get out this negative spiral.



On the surface all looks good...... friends say i live an interesting life. Yeah, i go out a lot......looks good .. am i a running man..

Inside i know all is not well

Just wondered if i am alone with this..........anyone else felt it..

What can change it...

These emotions are darn powerful sometimes too darn powerful for my liking. ... obviously its a message I dont get .


Best
D

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06 May 15 #460900 by Action
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I certainly don''t think that you''re alone. Life as you knew it has changed forever and, when you''ve been in a long marriage, it takes time to adjust. I''m 4.5 years down the line; have sold the FMH and have my own place which I bought outright. I''m doing OK financially so far but, being self employed, I do worry about keeping myself going until retirement. I''m even in a new long-term relationship but I still sometimes have those overwhelming feelings: ''What on earth has happened?; how did this happen?; What if?

Will be ever truly get over it, I really do not know!

  • Fed up Dad
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06 May 15 #460903 by Fed up Dad
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Hi Declan,
You are not alone at all mate. I think most of us have or still feel how you do at the moment.
I am only 1 year into my life change. Absolute should be through early June, I am buying my ex out of the FMH. Got a really good job, close network of friends and have an active social life with them. I have joint custody of my kids and the mix of family life and single life is something I really am embracing. BUT, there are times when I get home from work. The house is empty, there is no noise of kids running around, things are as a I left them before going to work, the house is still, nobody to even greet me after a hard day in the office.
I am getting used to it, but every so often I have a blip. I then miss the life I had, wonder where did it all go wrong and think about my future. I haven''t dated anyone yet and nor do I feel ready to. I need to properly fall out of love with my ex before trying to move on. I have been invited to two weddings this year with a plus one invite. I want to go but they will be events that remind me that my ex and I are no longer together.

All of my friends are partnered up - always posting on facebook when they are out and about doing stuff together - either dog walking, meals at pubs, shopping. It crushes me sometimes. That is when I feel lonely.

Emotions are a very strange thing - often we know why but sometimes we cannot justify feeling the way we do when everything around you seems good.

Keep focused mate, you have got through 3 years and by the sounds of it, have put your energy into the gym and have great family and friends around you.

And how much of a good catch are you now!!! financially sound, nice car and soon to buy a mortgage free property. Think about what you have now and what you can still achieve in your life and embrace it - take it by the balls and succeed in every way possible.

Always here for a chat if you need it pal

F. U. D.

  • itsbeenalongtime
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06 May 15 #460906 by itsbeenalongtime
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The coffee cup where you left it, why does that matter? I have no idea but its those stupid things that always get me. Hated making Sunday roasts because it always made such a mess and everybody had an opinion as to how it could be better. but i miss every single part of it. I just never thought after 30 years that he would`nt be there.He never spent much time at home but he was always coming home. Now he is`nt. On a good note, having not been able to attend my best friends wedding in the Caribbean 5 years ago even tho it was booked and paid for, i have just accepted 2 wedding invitation for the summer. Not sure i`ll get there but at least im looking forward to them at the mo. Long way to go but hope i will have someone to put their arms around me for the right reasons one day, just not there yet. Best wishes, keep positive. your doing fine.

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06 May 15 #460909 by Declan
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Hi
I''m out working so this is via my phone .

Thank you for the support . Hey FUD
Not sure any women is going go near a bloke a bit messed up no matter how much one is worth . Think that''s another acceptance to take on . Tea and cake in Amsterdam eh lol . Should brighten the day up .

Itsbeenalongtime --- you sound so positive now missed two weddings now looking forward to going to them . Big steps there well done .

I''m out now and I bet when I arrive home that coffee cup will still be on the kitchen table ... Exactly where I left it . ...
Best
D

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06 May 15 #460913 by itsbeenalongtime
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I would say get a cleaner, but I know that does`nt remove the emotional coffee cup and books in the book case.
My friends will tell you that one day im strong and on a high,they dont come home with me and pick up that coffee cup or light the fire.
Good luck, stay strong.

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06 May 15 #460922 by Fed up Dad
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Tea and Cake in Amsterdam? When are we going?

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