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Don''t drink when you are lonely!

  • jenni55
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31 May 15 #462374 by jenni55
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I completely understand what you mean there. It sounds a little like your ex has Narcistic behaviours (not sure my spelling is correct and Im sober right now). One of the hardest things I found was the conflict of not wanting to be married to my ex but on the other hand finding it very hard letting him go. I think we become trapped somehow and the security of any relationship seems worth anything rather than to be alone? Are you still living together?

  • CazLaw1980
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31 May 15 #462391 by CazLaw1980
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No he moved out Easter. Monday and filed for divorce 5 days later. It''s only now I have seen his itemised mobile bill that he was calling her for the last six months. Even though he left in December for two weeks and again in February for one week he was calling her all the time even when I went for a shower. When he came back in February he said he had made a terrible mistake and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He even wanted to get his wedding ring made bigger so he could wear it. How funny is that I paid for it..
My ex is someone who says he is going to do something but never does so I had to do for him. I think she is behind him. I know the marriage is over it just this betrayal that haunts me and I don''t know how to get over it.

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31 May 15 #462395 by jenni55
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The emotions behind being betrayed are horrible and complex...no quick fix. But perhaps you can see that you did nothing wrong and hold your head up and above his behaviour. Have you done anything nice for yourself recently? I know its easy to forget about looking after ourselves when we are trying to come to terms with been let down by others and we need to focus more on ourselves. Im looking forward to ending the day and having an early night....hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for us.

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31 May 15 #462398 by afonleas
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Caz,your still dealing with his betrayal,and actually your still finding out how deep that betrayal went,so it''s no wonder your feeling low.

Regarding the drinking,most of us can put our hands up to that,there was a time we would all be in chat,each with a differant drink,all par for the course.
In the midst of feeling low,you still managed to go out,and well done you.I only wanted to hide myself away from everyone,although the new chapter in our lives does not start until we go looking for it.
Time to think about what you want,not what was,who he is anymore....this is all about you,we can go over who they have become for hours and hours,and still no conclusion,so now I just don''t bother going over it anymore,all I can control is my life,my feelings,not his...

Back to getting tipsy lol...
Now I am stronger,getting out and about more,lots of times I am tipsy,and my group of friends are from 24 to 60 plus,we have a good laugh,don''t hurt anyone just enjoy ourselves..
Maybe I have gone through the chapters of my life,but decided I was revisting some,like my late teens...So what....
This is our lives,nobody elses !!!!

Stay strong
Afon Xxx

  • CazLaw1980
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31 May 15 #462414 by CazLaw1980
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Throwing myself into work. Have brought work home every night this week even the weekend. It''s a sense of achievment to be useful and needed. I have support from my family and friends which is great and you put on a brave face. But when the door shuts I just keep thinking of him phoning her, talking about me when I was completely oblivious to us having a problem. I''m the type of person that sees a problem before it arrives so I either had my guard down or he is a very good actor.
I know I have to get to a good place and maybe when the divorce is over and I''ve paid Him off (big mortgage to pay though) I can move forward and look at my home and say it''s mine and nobody will take a part of that again. I had my own home before I met him, I''ve lost a big chunk to him now but that comes when you offer up your heart. I will try not to blame every man I may meet in the future. There not all the same!

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01 Jun 15 #462416 by RVbewilldered
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:(stage 1 disbelief, why why why?
stage 2 emotions and tears
stage 3 anger
stage 4 strength
Im with you all the way honey...You will fritter from one stage to the next and back again, I 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I still ask myself, what happened to the man who promised me everything and loved me so much? and who is this monster that hurt and betrayed me so very much?
Now at month 9 but not really any further with settlement although I got Decree Nisi in post yesterday and potentially could apply for Absolute in 6 weeks!! However im at the strength fight back stage and have decided to regain control and let the courts decide, after all, ive lost so much, what else have I got to loose? I need closure, I need to move on, he is playing with my emotions still, and dragging this out to hurt me more. Stay strong hon, we are all here to help you through.... xxxxx

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01 Jun 15 #462418 by CazLaw1980
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Can''t wait to get to stage 4.
Divorce should b quick for me as he is rushing everything as all he wants is the money.
It was hard agreeing to my unreasonable behaviour being very controlling nature as i am the most laid back person you could meet. That has been my downfall for 24 years. He spent money like water. I was forever bailing him out on his credit cards. I was left a 3 figure sum from my deceased first husband and was coaxed into spending it all in 15 years on new cars, caravans (he would only have them for 3 years) and paying off his credit cards when they max out.
I know this is for the best and I have to learn to be more assertive but it''s still the betrayal that will take me down.
I know it''s early days but"............

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