A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


seeing stbx

  • itsbeenalongtime
  • itsbeenalongtime's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Aug 15 #465291 by itsbeenalongtime
Topic started by itsbeenalongtime
I had an email from stbx last night asking if I wanted to meet tonight to discuss finances. I answered this morning when i got it, now wishing I had said no. Once again he clicks his fingers and I jump. I suggested a meeting a few months ago and heard nothing. I now feel totally unprepared. Dont know how im going to react when I see him.
Help !!! feeling really sick and cant stop crying. Thought i was over this.:(

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
12 Aug 15 #465293 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
If you feel that meeting him face to face would be too much for you, then postpone the meeting for a while. Just briefly explain that you aren''t as prepared as you would like to be, and feel that a bit of extra time for you both to prepare would be beneficial to future discussions.

In the meantime, you can prepare yourself for discussing the finances, read the guide on here, ask questions on the forum, call the Wikivorce helpline for some idea on what to consider, etc.

Have you considered attending mediation? It means that you won''t be alone with him, and the mediator will ensure that the relevant topics are discussed, and help you both to discuss constructively, with a view to coming to an agreement after a number of sessions.

Do something kind for yourself tonight instead - a long soak in a bath with a glass of wine, or an early night with a good book for example. You''ve come a long way since you joined Wiki, be proud of what you have achieved so far :)

  • itsbeenalongtime
  • itsbeenalongtime's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Aug 15 #465300 by itsbeenalongtime
Reply from itsbeenalongtime
Thanks for reply. He turned down mediation saying it was a money grabbing quango, i attended 2 sessions. He only gives me one shot at anything. Its his way or the highway as my sols keeps pointing out. He has arranged to see the children at the weekend (both adults) I would like to no what he is planning but am terrified im going to end up in a crumbled heap. Would love him to say he was sorry and wants to come back but I no thats not on the agenda. Nothing straight forward with him, he is used to controlling everything but I have made this more difficult for him since standing on my own. I guess my strength has knocked him sideways but its a lot easier if I dont have to see him. Thanks again will keep posting.

  • HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt
  • HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Aug 15 #465304 by HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt
Reply from HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt
Hi

I used to get this from my ex, but I know he didn''t want to discuss just finances so I said no after having given it thought. I''ve recently seen my ex and it''s opened me up to feelings I thought I had under control. We are all different so only you can decide whether you should go ahead.

It''s definitely easier if we don''t have to see our exs - I''m with you there.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but don''t be forced into it.

  • itsbeenalongtime
  • itsbeenalongtime's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Aug 15 #465311 by itsbeenalongtime
Reply from itsbeenalongtime
Well he has been and gone. Didnt take long to get absolutely nowhere. Think he had other plans anyway. He`s fine, im not. Im not sure I will every accept any offers as that will mean its over and the 30 years meant nothing. Oh well looks like we`ll have to take our chances with the judge. Thanks for you help everyone.

  • itsbeenalongtime
  • itsbeenalongtime's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Aug 15 #465325 by itsbeenalongtime
Reply from itsbeenalongtime
Another sleepless night. Yesterday didnt go well. Not sure where to go now. A bit of time out but its becoming obvious he wants this to move on as quickly as possible. I seem to be in his way and he wants me out of it after 30 years.All a bit sad,at least i know what he is planning as far as kids are concerned. Lets see what today brings.

  • Action
  • Action's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Aug 15 #465326 by Action
Reply from Action
I don''t know how long it is since you have been split but it doesn''t sound as if you''re ready to be making huge decisions about your financial future. Do you have an idea of what is a fair division? Are you miles apart? I too struggled negotiating with my ex and mediation turned out to be the only way. I felt bullied and scared. At one point he did recognise this and suggested involving a third party in our discussions - except that person was his Mum!

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11