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selling.

  • itsbeenalongtime
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06 Nov 15 #469125 by itsbeenalongtime
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Another round of Estate agents, form filling and trying to make the house you have loved and called home for 31 years look its best for others to come and pick holes in. Not sure how much more of this I can take. Does it ever get any easier ?
Sorry just heading back towards rock bottom again. If I hear " what are you doing for Christmas" again, im not sure I can be held responsible for my action.

  • AngieP
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06 Nov 15 #469136 by AngieP
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It does get better honestly. I have some understanding of how you are feeling -losing the security of your home and familiar surroundings on top of everything else involved in divorce/separation can be almost unbearably difficult to cope with and throw in the Christmas scenario as well is enough to severely test anyone. Just hang in there, look after yourself as best you can and like everything else you will eventually come through this tumultuous period of your life.

  • autumnleaves12
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06 Nov 15 #469137 by autumnleaves12
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When does it get better? I''m still going up and down on that roller coaster...

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06 Nov 15 #469139 by AngieP
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As Afon says ''it takes as long as it takes''. It is over two and a half years since my tsunami. The worst time was around the time of the house move earlier this year -at times I could not imagine feeling happy ever again - the problems seemed insurmountable but now, though not quite out of the woods I feel generally content. I have had to put a lot of effort into understanding myself and what went so badly wrong, would never have chosen to have to rebuild my life in 50s (lost job, home and his family through divorce). For me it has been a series of painful adjustments but I can honestly say life is ok.

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07 Nov 15 #469162 by Forester
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I hated people coming round to look at the home I loved, each one the potential buyer, giving me that last shove out of the sanctuary of the precious walls around me. But even I realised that those walls were becoming a shell of what I thought I once had.

B hell I had a stressful time of it, being pushed by my ex to agree to exchange on our sale before I could exchange on the property I was purchasing, and then my purchase nearly falling through because someone at the end of the chain threw a wobbly for apparently no reason. Even though my purchase did finally go through, I was obliged to go into a holiday let for a few weeks, with all my stuff going into storage - none of which my ex helped pay for. I found all sorts of things wrong with my new house, and shed quite a few tears, and my ex wouldn''t even help with any advice. But I managed, and confidently continue to manage. It is all still work in progress, and it is just as well that I have no intention of worrying about how long it is all going to take. It is home.

I am past my mid 50s but feel great. In MY home, I eat what I like, when I like. I try out things that interest me, and really enjoy them. I worked damn hard most of my life, so if I don''t fancy painting or sanding, I give myself a guilt free day off. My life isn''t perfect of course, but if I draw up a comparative column of pros and cons of both lives, it is very clear to me that it is so much better than when I was married. Admittedly it is 5 years ago that my world was turned topsy, and it is all raw for you, and many others on here. But although I couldn''t believe that I would ever be happy again, cheeriness creeps in, with a smile here, and a burst of laughter there, and nowadays I walk with a song in my step nearly all the time.

Now re Christmas, certainly it takes some getting used to facing it as a singleton. As I have no family and found going to friends difficult, I now celebrate on my own. Which means I don''t have to face the shopping, cooking, overeating, clearing up, trying to use up, and inevitably wasting of all that food. Never mind that depressing moment when you force yourself onto the bathroom scales after it is all over. I am making my new rituals, all to please me, from lighting my fire on Christmas morning, adding cream to my breakfast porridge and filling my house full of the music of Christmas - I''m smiling as I type.

You have a chance of making a happier life for yourself, but just have to steel yourself to say good bye to the last bits of your old one before you are truly free to do so. And you are fully entitled to do so in your own time.

  • elizadoolittle
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08 Nov 15 #469211 by elizadoolittle
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Yes. It does get easier.

I sold the FMH. I tried to make sure I was out for viewings. It would not have helped maximise the price if anyone had asked me why I was moving or where I was going. I would have burst into tears. I tried to keep the place neat and tidy though I would rather have stayed in bed and never picked anything up off the floor. Being traumatised and having three traumatised teenagers didn''t help, in fact the most slovenly went to live with her father which continues to break my heart.

And yet.

Two weeks ago I moved. I moved to an area I''d never even heard of until I went to see the place, marvelling at how bloody far away it was, and how ugly. I had to move quickly: the mortgage was over two years in arrears and I had been living under threat of eviction for too long. We exchanged and a week later moved. I had only 20% of the value of the FMH (X revealed debts and no income, post separation).

Here I am. Come down in the world. No idea how I am going to pay the bills (no maintenance to speak of since X while living it up claims to be penniless). And never been happier.

Never thought I would hear myself say this. I would have given my right arm to have my husband back. What a fool I was. You may be thinking it will be different for you. I did. I didn''t believe people who said I would be better off without the ''love of my life''. They were right. I was wrong. Hang on in there (what''s the choice) and it will all come good, believe it or not.

  • itsbeenalongtime
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08 Nov 15 #469231 by itsbeenalongtime
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Best of luck to you "elizadoolittle". You must be such a strong person, probably due to what you have had to go through. I know im stronger than I was, but the knocks keep coming. Would love to be going into summer not winter. Our beautiful house no seems like a cold, dark, condemned dream.
Still have no idea how we ended up here, guess I never will. You are doing brilliantly and I do believe that justice will prevail. keep strong and thank you again. :)

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