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Christmas Survival

  • Declan
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29 Dec 15 #471239 by Declan
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Hi there ,

Well , we did it . Survived another Christmas . My fourth one since split .

And, I have to say it is getting easier. I was more organised and prepared this time . The emotions not as strong as the past . Maybe, it''s due to support of family and friends . Or the fact I am growing up and learning better coping strategies . Maybe , I am beginning to see new shoots of a life and Oh Boy here it comes . Maybe it is through being on here knowing that I am not alone with and that there are lots like me .

I have my health is on right track , my hobby right track my friends right track . Think I need to re visit my work . All in all though so glad I survived Christmas.

There , are others starting out on this path and I spare a thought for those that are just about to embark on this journey . Wether the leaver or left behind . It is still an unpleasant time . The leader with guilt, whilst those left behind feeling rejection . And, although you may not yet see it .

It will become easier, and for me I can see the positive gifts I have been given that have arisen from this. A massive self learning exercise .

Therefore , I say to those embarking on this journey . Fear nothing , for everything is as it should be at this moment in time . As painful as it was I needed those lessons to grow . And you will too . It will shape you enrich you . You will become , your own person . You will realise that you can cope and handle stuff on your own and that you are enough you have always been enough . You , do not need anyone to make you feel whole and complete for it is all within you . You, will regain back your power and never again give that power away . You will realise that you are unique . There is nobody like you on the planet . So , you will become yourself the person that you are meant to be . And , when the time is right should you desire love will come your way . You may decide that you will never give your heart again . That is your choice . However, you will have learnt that , it is your choice , yours alone and you can do and become whomever you want . You , will look back one day and think .... Separating, was the right thing to do for you both, and that nature is always right . You cannot fight it . It was meant to happen and it had to happen for you to grow. And become happy . Your happiness awaits you . It is within you . It is there . I know for me it is not the next BMW on the drive or the bigger house .


I wish all on here great times ahead and peace .
You are unique . A one off on the planet . We are all loved and enough . We are worthy .

D X

  • rustyroo
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29 Dec 15 #471265 by rustyroo
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I just about got through smash as I have no friends due to wrapping my whole life around him....
Please can you give me tips on how you get over the jejection, it''s been nearly 12 weeks and I still cry most days....
I was completely shell shocked by his disclosure, he wanted to live with me, have the lifestyle, but sleep with others

  • sun flower
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29 Dec 15 #471267 by sun flower
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Rusty - I can hear your distress. I am so sorry you are having such a horrible time.

Slow down - that is my first bit of advice. I looked at your other post. You are rushing - take a breath - slow down - give yourself a bit of time.

At my worst - I drew two clock faces on my wrists with ten drawn on them - to remind me that I just had to cope with the next ten minutes - not to look beyond that

It is hell - cut yourself some slack. I wish I had a better answer - something to take away the pain.

Just hang on - read others stories on here - know they have felt your pain - and survived - and thrived - eventually

And so I go back to my first point - give yourself time.

(PS I survived on coke and yougurt for months - try and eat when you can - anything - keep going)

Take care

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29 Dec 15 #471268 by rustyroo
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Thank you sunflower

I am so emotional, but need to start on divorcing, I''m running hundred miles an hour if I''m honest, but if I slow down I''m tearful......
Lost nearly 2 stone in 10 weeks, I do eat daily, as I know I have to eat but it''s hard too.....

Need to start focusing on divorce ..... But your right I have to keep going but slowly and gently......

Just trying to do prep work as at least then I feel as if I''m doing something towards my filing, as can''t afford to file as yet

  • Declan
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29 Dec 15 #471269 by Declan
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Rusty

I lot of us know the pain that you feel . We know how hurt you are . The emotional pain at times can be very intense that you think that you never recover .
Yes you wrapped your life around him .

I wrapped mine around my career and ex . Fat lot of good that did .

Trust me , you will heal . It is early days and you take it slowly very slowly . Accept your feelings do not push them away . Acknowledge your grief .
Slowly , you learn to deal with it .

You will slowly find you again and become oh so strong and well . You will , take care of that girl inside you . That girl that is hurting right now and needs you to take care of her . Nourish her love her give her what she wants and never criticise here. Just love her . And for now at this moment that is all you can really do .
Eventually she will start to guide you . You just have to listen to her.

And you know what , amazing things start to happen .
I will not tell you what gifts I have uncovered within myself and the life I now lead . Sufficient to say without the split I maybe would still be romping around thinking all was good . When in fact it was not .

It will happen for you ,,

For now look after her .

Best
D X

  • pebbleonthebeach
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29 Dec 15 #471280 by pebbleonthebeach
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Thanks Declan, I have just got through my first Christmas. I survived and am just glad it''s over. I am feeling stronger each day.

Rustyroo sounds like we have a lot in common. My nightmare started at the end of August and I am only just now functioning. There is a really good post from Shoegirl about being a newbie. Read that as I found it so helpful in the early days when everything seemed too much. I have moved mountains since I discovered my STBX affair and you will too. Be kind to yourself and take it one bit at a time.

Hugs
Pebble xx

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29 Dec 15 #471284 by rustyroo
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Hi hope your right Pebble, as right now I just feel as if I could crumble.....I''m so aware that I''m fragile.......will look up Shoegirl post (not sure how I locate old posts)
I''m hoping that my mole hills arrive so, cos then hopefully my attachment to him, will start detaching soon and then these mountains may start appearing for me to climb over

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