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Divorce is good ....

  • autumnleaves12
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11 Jan 16 #472107 by autumnleaves12
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Yep...time to live in the present and forget about the past...hopefully the future will take care of itself. Today i was sad, not because i''m getting divorced but because we have lost a legend someone i grew up with, someone who saw me through some of the best years of my life...David Bowie...

  • littlegreen
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11 Jan 16 #472109 by littlegreen
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Tushay my friend....

We have but one life, so this life that we chose to live with someone else didn''t work out for whatever reason. We have to grieve that loss, it''s all part of the process. Anger and blame will be there also but we reach a point when we look at ourselves and think this is my life and just exactly what is important to me.

Your thread is positive and shows signs of movement to a brighter place...your place in the sunshine. But you have to truly feel the cold first and you have and now the thaw begins and signs of new life will eventually emerge:)

LG xXx

  • afonleas
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12 Jan 16 #472111 by afonleas
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I will agree with many aspects of this thread,although not all.
Yes we only need ourselves and divorce does make you grow and find yourself,but divorce is the loneliest place in the world at that time.
And as much as we say,most of us never wanted to be in this place,also many wear a smile and a shrug that everything is okay,when really deep down inside its not...

Many broken hearts are behind the facade of a clown''s face...

Sorry my take on things,and I for one can be honest and say at times I am that clown

Afon Xx

  • Declan
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12 Jan 16 #472113 by Declan
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I am not saying that I am running around the hills singing to to sound of music .
Just saying that , I have come to realise those thoughts that I have raised . And they pervade my conscious now. A lot of negativity appears to be lifting . As I face the truth .

As , Littlegreen puts it .... A thaw ...
And yes , that old chestnut loneliness that can sometimes grip you .. That feeling that we are it ... All decisions , actions behaviour ,, coming home to cup where I left it as Marshy says . Yes, all belongs to me now .
Therefore , it is up to me what I do about it .. I decide ...

I take responsibility for me .

Facing the truth , is not easy .... However, it is the only way .....

Today , I face the truth again .... Also , I am learning to love myself .... Not easy because I have not for a long time ...

A thaw .... Now that has got to be a positive


  • Marshy_
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12 Jan 16 #472120 by Marshy_
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Declan wrote:

Yep, we are individuals for sure . Let us not forget that . We , where ok before marriage . We somehow lost ourselves in that . We are whole and complete as we are . We are fine as we are right now right this minute .

Yes we are individuals. Lets just say we follow the script but apply it individually :blink:

We all want the same things really. Be happy. Have a bit of wonga in our pockets and perhaps some security. There are ups and downs to all that. Hunger makes us real and alive and full bellies makes us lazy--- for instance.

When we marry or are with someone permanently, we give a little of ourselves. We lose independence. The real problem is that when we have been alone a while, we dont want to lose what we have gained. I find this in me and I see it in other singles I come across. I like what I have and I have given a lot to get it. I want to keep it. I dont want to give a piece of me.

once we realise that we are OK as we are right now right this minute and stop blaming everyone else . The ex did this that and the other too me then the better I think we become .

Its so easy to blame. Milk has gone off. Train is late. Its raining. Sh!t happens. Once we accept what he have, we can work with it. Everyone gets dealt a set of cards. Some have a Royal Flush. Some have a Pair. But we all have to make the best of it. And you can do amazing things with a pair!!

Life is one big lesson. At the start we know little or nothing. As time passes, we get beat up a little. And we learn from it. So next time, we can avoid it or do something to lesson the impact. The real prize of life is experience. And from experience comes knowledge. Provided we learn the lessons, we can do better. But we can only get this from doing things and sh!t happening to us. Thats how I see it. Marshy.

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12 Jan 16 #472143 by Declan
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You know what Marshy . I too think it is gong to be difficult now to give a piece of me . Good or bad I dunno .

I have a life I never thought I would have .

Present a radio show , have twenty bands on my list that will come play live in studio for me .
I have four guitars and a mandolin
Man, I have sports evenings twice a week out with the boys
I have Jam night .
I also have another job

Would I have done all that prior to the atomic bomb .

Although passion was there I do not think so .

You put it nicely once Marshy. Saying we where on the corridor , now I see it , seen things s lot clearer now .
Thankful for what I have , and less focus on what I do not have . I know one of my heroes Mr Bowie RIP would swap in an instant with me .

Yep, a lot if post that I have re read from others further along the line jump out at me now . Whereas before , I would have thought that will never be me .

Well , it''s a funny old world isn''t it my friends


  • afonleas
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12 Jan 16 #472153 by afonleas
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Marshy I think your words sum it up completey,shix happens,and it happened to me and the rest of you also...

Whilst I applaud all of you wonderful people who have come through divorce and have found an idyllic place.....
I am completey honest I have not.
Yes,I am happy,but not totally happy.
I am enough for myself,but not totally complete.
I lost part of myself in my marriage, and he will always own that part,it will never belong to another.
Am I wrong or are the rest of you right?
Was my Marriage a kinda okay and yours horrendous ?I don''t know...
I miss the man I married,I miss my marriage, yes I have laughs,friends,holidays etc,I actually missed many aspects of that life...

I can write here I am all singing and dancing,life is a ball..blah blah blah,but if my life was that brilliant would I still be looking for that protective cloak that is wiki,somehow I think not,yes I stick around to offer support,but I am honest enough to say that sometimes knowing that Wiki is there for me ...well that gets me through...

Sorry folks,not my usual,but an honest take
Cwtchs all
Afon xx

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