A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Difficult

  • Moona50
  • Moona50's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
14 Apr 16 #476903 by Moona50
Topic started by Moona50
Again I am so down today.

If I think about the upsides, financially I am fine, it is amicable, the kids seem OK, I will see plenty of them. I am lucky in many ways, I do appreciate that.

I am not afraid of the future and am confident that I will be happy and contented on my own.

Why then am I so unbelievably sad? It is just hitting me so hard.

  • itsbeenalongtime
  • itsbeenalongtime's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
14 Apr 16 #476904 by itsbeenalongtime
Reply from itsbeenalongtime
I have so many up days followed by crashing down days. When they say its like a roller caoster,they really were`nt joking.
I am going to be ok, I think (hope). My kids are grown up but have been brilliant. I just cant help feeling used. I seem to remember stupid things on a daily basis and get cross with myself for having allowed myself to be taken in.
I am more upset that I gave my all to our marriage and now realize that my stbx put no effort at all.
I am nearly a year down the line and have less really down days but trying to find my new identity is proving very difficult.
keep chatting, we will get to be who we want to be soon.

  • Jedzy
  • Jedzy's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
14 Apr 16 #476907 by Jedzy
Reply from Jedzy
It takes time - I read somewhere it takes a month for every year of your relationship - but I still have down days and ours was not the best marriage before we split.

  • Moona50
  • Moona50's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
14 Apr 16 #476923 by Moona50
Reply from Moona50
Jedzy

That would be 24 months for me. I am 10 months in. If someone said I would feel better in another 14 months time I would take that. It would seem like a walk in the park. It''s the thought that this will be my life for evermore that is a killer.

  • GimmeShelter
  • GimmeShelter's Avatar
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
15 Apr 16 #476927 by GimmeShelter
Reply from GimmeShelter
Sometimes, it is very overwhelming to look ahead years, or even months, especially when your mind is being pulled into so many Directions. You are trying to change multiple things, not just one big thing.You are currently sorting, finances, children, their well being your relationship with them, where you will live,picking up pieces of shattered heart,dreams, trusts. Managing the daily things that everyone must manage each day,
Grieving, wishing, hoping, dealing with loss, that is a load of stuff for one mans shoulders to try to balance and hold on to. On top of that you are trying to smile, look forward, find confidence , you know, looking from here, you are doing amazing. Fear does not mean the absence of courage, no does strength mean the absence of tears,you do feel awful, and with good reason, and you are doing the best one can with it all,maybe instead of looking so far into the future, looking at each days victory would be a more comfortable place to be in for the now.
Hope your today will be one of smiles. :)

  • AngieP
  • AngieP's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
15 Apr 16 #476929 by AngieP
Reply from AngieP
Hi Moona

I think it is perfectly natural to be sad and indeed believe reactive depression is quite normal as a result of relationship breakdown. As others have said there is so much to deal with in coming to terms with our new and often unwanted situation. I found that acknowledging my feelings and just going with them helped and knowing,as with everything,they would eventually pass. Living day to day and trying to be positive also helped. Also looking back you will be able to see how far you have moved forward, if that makes sense. It is almost 3 years to the day when my life imploded and took me to the darkest places, my life now is totally different and there are still challenges as a result of divorce but having thought as others that I could not get through it I actually feel proud of myself that I have and have gained strength. Things will get easier!

  • Declan
  • Declan's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
15 Apr 16 #476931 by Declan
Reply from Declan
Hi Moona

Par for the course as they say fella.

Up down , yeah had a lot of them at the beginning . It is what it is and it takes what it takes .

Your still learning about you and yourself . Once we are single again a new identity needs to arise . And that is you . The real you . All the past crap that was hidden surfaces . Slowly you realise that , stuff you would have accepted before has good enough , is no longer acceptable . You, come to realise that all you want is to live in peace and happiness . Everything else is fake . Only you can create that sense of peace and happiness . It''s not outside yourself . You will not find it in the material world . You could sit on a pile of diamonds and be unhappy .
Moona , remember as a child being happy . Family , friends , single indulging in what made you happy . That little Moona eh . food , clothing shelter . Love of family . He is still around .

We are shattered at first not knowing who we are . And if you lived your life through your ex , your false identity has been shattered .

Your sad yes why . Be honest why do you think ? Loss affects us all .

You will be happy again . That sun will shine . No , you will not always feel like this

D

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11