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Healing

  • Moona50
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15 May 16 #478186 by Moona50
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Morning wiki friends.

I am feeling quite deep and reflective this morning and I started to think about the word "healing".

For some reason I don''t like thinking of myself as going through a healing process. I know we have all suffered major trauma but to me the word healing seems to imply a process where you return to a state that you were in previously. Like a graze on your arm that, once healed, leaves the arm the same as it was before the graze.

I don''t want that. I know that going through this process will make me a different person and I welcome that. I will be stronger and more resilient and better able to face life with a perspective that wasn''t there before.

I am trying to think about this whole thing as not about coping with loss but more about learning to live with change. I think many here have talked about changing the narrative in your head and I suppose that is what I am slowly trying to do.

I don''t know why I started to think so much about the word healing but I guess it shows the state of my head at the moment!

M.

  • Annie2326
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15 May 16 #478194 by Annie2326
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I think the word healing is used far too much, I''m only a few months into this horrible situation, and everyone talks about healing I started Councelling on Friday and she talked about healing.
Though I say that , what else can it be called?
A broken leg can heal, a cut can heal,
But pain is different and I suffer physical pain anyway, but now emotional pain which in turn causes physical pain. Some pain never goes, some physical pain like mine I have to try and live with, I take pain killers and other medication, But the emotional pain that goes with this trauma that has been forced upon us,
Does it heal ? or is it I just can''t feel at this moment it does, but you just have to deal with it no choice, it doesn''t go away. The pain is always there in the background like a headache that won''t go away.
Sorry if I sound negative, I know all the wikis who have or are going through this pain may disagree, but just trying to explain how I feel.
To me it is pain and pain can only be managed.

  • Declan
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15 May 16 #478197 by Declan
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Hi Brother/Sister

Interesting post . We are where we are . Losses, particularly of things and people we love and cherish, cause us to reshape our world and look within ourselves. Find strength a way forward that is best for each and everyone of us. We, find our own level our own way painful though it is at times

If you do not view it has healing then that is fine. Some may view it has a chance to grow, to develop andto learn new skills. Of course we need to lick our wounds . Then we push. Move forward and keep on moving forward.

For me it was finding my love of music again . My creative side. Involving myself with like minded people making connections with people. Sharing ideas and listening to others. it kinda helped with that pain of walking past a restaurant and seeing people in couples enjoying themselves. And, thinking. Am I alone in all of this .

Of course we are not alone in all of this. The mind tells us lies. Its feelings not fact. Nonetheless, it can be an unpleasant feeling .

However, accepting that it is a feeling acknowledge it as such and the power of it diminishes.

It goes away when we decide enough is enough . That point hit me a while back when i looked in the mirror and said enough is enough i cannot and will not live in eternal pain. Kinda went to war on it .Dont get me wrong it still creeps up however, i deal with it when it comes.Sit with it , yes its there now sod off and let me crack on.

That is my way , and in due course we all find our path our journey .

Trust me . ALL WILL BE WELL . It is a given . The life you want is there for the taking .

Good luck all on your journey . Much love and hugs for all .

Moona Annie --- we are where we are for now. and Annie yes it does get better.

D

  • movingon6
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15 May 16 #478199 by movingon6
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Does it really get better? Two years on and the anger/hurt/emotional turmoil still consumes me. I resent the fact that ''it'' is happy and living the dream with ''its'' tart whilst i am struggling to make ends meet and my relationship with my children is at an all time low as a result of the situation. How do we move forward and how do we ever trust again??

  • Annie2326
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15 May 16 #478221 by Annie2326
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Moving on, hi
That''s how I feel, it''s a horrible feeling, like today it''s lovely I''m sure they will be out and about when I didn''t shower and dress till two.
I''m trying so hard to get on but money worries and where I''ll end up consume me. I resent that he has walked out to live a new life
And not given me or our grown up daughter time of day. He hasn''t communicated only twice and that''s cus he wanted something.
He said I would get nothing then recently said I would get half and that''s it.
I, 59 he''s nearly sixty, I have to leave my home just like many others
I just don''t feel I''m ever going to get over this sick feeling the pain of sorrow. Was so upset again earlier I won''t go into why but my daughter and son in law are here and they are doing the lawns fir me, cus that''s another thing stbx cannot be bothered about.
Heal is a dirty word to me even though I''ve used it myself on occasions
I feel like I''m getting worse not better I''m dreading what is to come.
But I will keep visiting wiki for everyone''s input at the end if all this
I hope there''s a rainbow.
.

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15 May 16 #478222 by Annie2326
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Thanks Declan
You always post good ideas and advise, you certainly understand and I appreciate that.
I just feel a sad Linley old woman lol
I have even booked a day trip on my own !
I''m not looking forward to it, but think we''ll I have to do it like it or not.
Thanks again

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15 May 16 #478223 by Declan
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I believe it does when we make the choice . We first have to make the choice . Change the stories we tell ourselves . And not compare with others or EX.

We may think they are doing fantastic . Is it true ? Or is it a story I tell myself . In doing so I create my own suffering. Are they living their dream ? We cannot know that for a fact . Whilst giving our ex headspace I believe we create our suffering . I cannot possibly know what thoughts are spinning around my ex mind no more than she can mine .

Why is your relationship with children at an all time low ? What story are you telling yourself to think that .

I found practising being grateful for what I had rather than what I did not have. Focused on being the best that I can be . Ok , I am four years along and it has taken a lot of soul searching and work to get to the place I am in . I recognise the feelings and thoughts that consume you .

How do we move forward you ask . Well , for me it''s getting up and carrying on with my day . Asking questions does this or that serve me if it does not then I don''t entertain it . I learned all about procrastination and why I did that .

Also, asking the question of myself ... Why, did I think that my ex was responsible for my happiness . In the end I realised she wasn''t responsible for my happiness. No , I was . No one else. Me my responsibility . So , I slowly moved from the blame everyone but me for my position . I make my choices , and we all have them . I take responsibility for my choices .

Took a while for me to see that I was author of a lot of my suffering . The why me syndrome .

How do we trust again . ? I dare say we all have our own feelings about that . For me , I say it''s something that is built over time and will fall into place . I don''t think you can force it . Just allow nature to do that .


Well moving on , you will in your time , your pace and not before you are ready .
All in good time , it will happen . You will move on . In order to do so we have to address issues that are holding us back . Until , we have done that we cannot move forward .

As I say you will in your time . So no comparing eh . You are you unique and wonderful as you are right now . Go be the best that you can be . They say revenge is best served cold . However , when you have focused on yourself and your needs more you reach a point that what your ex is up to no longer matters . You will be on your journey , your own happiness . And, long lasting because it will all come from within you . No longer dependent on anyone or anything external to provide that .

Head up girl , strap on the attitude and step forward one step at a time eh

Dx

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