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How do you let go and move on?

  • RedPoppies
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30 Mar 17 #490644 by RedPoppies
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Thank you. I should perhaps mention I have OCD which means that any thoughts get stuck in my head and I get obsessional about them, analysing every tiny morsel and strong imagery that hurts and haunts. I think my meds are having little impact and am going to Doc tomorrow to see if she can up the dosage or suggest something else - I am fighting a losing battle with the monsters in my head right now.

Was also very hurt to hear that a friend called my husband as she was very worried about me - he suggested she call my parents :(

So little care and regard after 26 years kinda hurts :(xx

  • Mitchum
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31 Mar 17 #490645 by Mitchum
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Have you thought of counselling Red Poppies? I resorted to counselling and it was one of my best moves. Sometimes we need someone else to help unravel the spiralling thoughts. An impartial professional can sometimes just hit on something causing us great pain and help to put things into perspective.

Allow yourself some compassion. Where you are right now, the hurt is beyond anything you ever thought possible. This is not wallowing in self-pity it is about acknowledging the shock and fear. You are wounded and need to take care of yourself.

We all have our ways of making these early days less overwhelming, less cruel. Some of us drink. Some of us shut down and shut out the world. Some of us maniacally refresh Facebook/read Wikivorce. Some of us pray. Some of us eat. Some of us stop eating. Some of us exercise. Some of us throw ourselves into work. Some of us run away.

All the difficult emotions can be all-consuming and thoughts go round and around in tailspin, complicated by anxiety, second-guessing what he might be doing and what’s going to happen next. The sound track in your head is non-stop.

We’re like sponges soaking up all that’s been said and eventually we can hold no more. We have to let so much of the anger and pain wash over us. We can show ourselves compassion and give ourselves permission. This is loving ourselves. This kind of love is not the same as narcissism or egotism. It’s a tender space of caring. It is compassion — when the love you gave to him is thrown back, redirect it to yourself.

That, above all else, above the sleeplessness and the frustration even, convinced me to keep focused on the horizon and be businesslike about dealing with his comments and efforts to upset me. When wikis advise you to be gentle with yourself, they know what they’re talking about.

  • Declan
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31 Mar 17 #490646 by Declan
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Red

Totally agree with Mitchum . You are number one . Nothing wrong in putting your needs a priority right now. Self love is important . Caring for oneself and giving yourself what you need to be the person that you are meant to be is not selfish . Trying to be someone you are not will hurt you .

It's like when flying the first person to put on oxygen mask should you need it is yourself . Your needs a paramount . Your health is top top top priority . You hav already said that you are going to see a professional about this OCD . Right steps sister .

I have been on monsters side . It is unpleasant and nasty . It sapped my energy . It almost destroyed me . The monsters told me I was worthless and incapable of love . I did not like myself . I had hate in me . Mainly due to another matter that happened very soon after split . I too have fought them .

I just know that you are going to be fine . Slow mindset changes . Facing the facts and truth . Challenge the lies we tell ourselves . Usually no evidence or fact to support the lies . Dissolve them then move forward .

Find positive sayings , quotes anything positive look . Then one day that's is what you have positive mindset

Hers one for you

I will not try to convince you to love me ,to respect me,to commit to me. I deserve better than that. I AM BETTER THAN THAT ...... GOODBYE
-quote by Steve Maraboli

Kick ex off pedestal . Look , you are a wonderful person . Know this believe this. You are worth far more than you know. No one else on planet same as you . Celebrate being you . You are enough you always have been .

D

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