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How do you let go and move on?

  • Moona50
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26 Mar 17 #490471 by Moona50
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Thanks Jalisia - very kind of you to say that.

I still have tough times but they are not anywhere near as raw and impactful as they were.

I expect there will be further difficult moments ahead but I know I can deal with them.

For those in the midst of it it is difficult to get your head around the fact that you may feel differently, happier even, further down the line. But just keep going, keep doing the basics and you will get there. One foot in front of the other each day and try and accept that much of what you feel is perfectly natural.

It won't feel like this forever.

M.

  • RedPoppies
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26 Mar 17 #490474 by RedPoppies
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It's reassuring to know some of you have walked this path and survived as for me now it feels like torture - driving home tonight and the closer I got the quicker my heart raced and stomach churned and when I pulled up outside the house and realised his car was here, I burst into tears!

I just want this all to be over :( x

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27 Mar 17 #490479 by Declan
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Sister

Your time is coming . Just not yet . We all heal in our own time .

Try not to label it has a bad time . This will be the best thing to happen for you . I know that you will not see that just yet amist the pain, hurt and anger . Feelings of unable to cope. The drive home , the panicky feelings , The loneliness of it all .


All will subside as you empty all the crap out and start a new life . What Moona says is good advice . I too found my passion of music and now well , you would not believe where it has taken me .

Putting yourself first is not selfish . You are the most important person that needs taking care of right now . Your needs are paramount . You have the power to give yourself all that you need . You have the power to not let anyone hurt you . You have the power only you .

There is nothing and I mean nothing that you need to feel whole and complete that lives outside of you .

Go and dwell on your magnificence . Tell yourself constantly that you are worthy . Whatever , comes along you can and will handle it . Ignore negativity and negative people . It is your right to be happy and at peace .

All this comes from within yourself .

You truly do have the power to determine your path right now. The sooner you realise just how magnificent you really are then sooner you move sister . Wow, just think how powerful and strong and confident you are going to become . Knowing yourself more as you work through your hurt .

Bloody fantastic eh . You only giving yourself what is good for you . As you keep doing that you get that bit stronger until eventually you will have changed . You will see more positives in the world . You will have faced the worst and come through it . Survivor eh not a victim .


Your time will come . Meanwhile , trust me we that have trod before you know excatly how you feel . We are holding you .

D

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27 Mar 17 #490492 by krazy
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You have a son? How old? I have twin daughters, age 7. I 'protected' them from the worst of my sadness of course, but not from all of it. I talked to them, in 7 year old appropriate language, about what was happening and why I was so sad sometimes. I wanted them to understand. I felt it important they they know that what their mummy was doing (or rather the way she was doing it) was not actually the 'right' thing to do (lie and cheat and shout a lot and leave!), I felt to just act like nothing big was happening would be terrible parenting. It's my job to show them and tell them how you should behave. Don't get me wrong, we also talked about how you can leave a marriage if you are unhappy and their mummy was, and also about love and parents love for children being separate etc. I didn't ***** her off. My one daughter seemed so angry with ME that I couldn't stop her mummy from leaving and I needed her to know it wasn't my choice, it was terrible - but we could get through it. I felt strongly that to show no emotion in front of them would have been unhealthy. When sad things happen people get sad and people cry. I think it helped them both to see that they too could be free to express their feelings without judgement too. And they did and do and it helps us all. My ex, of course, didn't agree with that, but then she didn't agree with anything I do or did. I had to do what I thought was right. I think I did right by them - or at least my very best. I think you do not necessarily need to always hide from your son when the tears come. You are teaching him how to deal appropriately with terrible events in life, and being able to cry, to let it all out, to talk, is an important lesson for him too.

Keep going! You can;t believe you will ever feel differently from now, but you will.

  • number9cloud
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28 Mar 17 #490526 by number9cloud
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I am 4 months into my divorce journey and it is always encouraging to hear stories of people who are further into their journeys.

I am the respondent and my wife's petition and my response through my solicitor have been submitted. Now we need to resolve the only thing that binds us together, money.

It is sad that after 27 years of marriage all that is left is the full fight mode that we are in. Our marriage fell apart finally because of my wife's affair. Having lead a double life for nearly a year, she keeps on telling lies all the time. There are also the usual stories that I read a lot here. A few days ago, she told me that I have BPD and then sent me a note explaining the few reasons why she chose her boyfriend. One of the reasons was that I suffer from Asbergers. I suffer from anxiety but not from what she diagnosed me with B)

She told me the same day that I never really loved her and later that she never really loved me. I could not help but smile remembering the stories that I read here. It appears that adulterous minds think alike.

Now that I am over with the 6-8 weeks of initial shock of betrayal, I see that time is what I need to move on. It is happening slowly and I see the changes. It is not easy and sometimes very difficult. As I mentioned previously, I found great support in professional support (therapy). Friends and family have been great too. As a friend told me right at the start of my journey, it is a rollercoaster.

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28 Mar 17 #490545 by RedPoppies
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Thank you - today I feel I made progress - we ended up in a blazing row but I stood my ground, said my piece, told him a few home truths and that I was NOT to blame as he was making out and I didn't cry!!! That felt like such an achievement!
He clearly has another woman, I suspected as much, but today has confirmed it - just wish he would get a job and stop spending MY money on her now!!! Today feels different, I stood up for myself and will no longer accept the blame he has cast on me - it takes two to make a marriage work. Thanks everyone for your support - I reckon there will be more down days to come but today was a first x

  • Moona50
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28 Mar 17 #490547 by Moona50
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Brilliant Poppies. Really pleased that you stood up for yourself!

Keep posting on here, both when you feel positive and also when you have the inevitable crap times. You will be supported on here by people who know exactly what you are going through.

When the bomb dropped for me I spent so much time on here reading old posts from people, looking for anything that would help.

Now, not so much time on here but I still come back here every now and again as it just helps sometimes.

I feel your pain, I really do. It's so hard at the start and, to be honest, there is still much to go through for you in terms of the split. But you seem to have a good, strong frame of mind albeit I'm sure it doesn't feel like that much of the time.

Chin up. M x

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