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Here comes the anxiety again

  • Rob6
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04 May 17 #491852 by Rob6
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Thanks Dotti. Yes I hope to be seeing that light soon and at the moment, it's as others have said, just putting one foot in front of the other. I think I am often too hard on myself ie just thinking I should snap out of it.

Winter that court case sounds absolutely awful and I'm relieved I didn't suffer like that. I suppose we all go through our individual traumas in terms of D.

  • katieteapot
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05 May 17 #491890 by katieteapot
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I feel exactly the same. I was damn miserable for years and we played the you go .. no you go game until he finally went. The shock and feeling of rejection was so awful, even though we had been unhappy for years. I have days where I feel free, happy and liberated then one bit of contact with him brings me back to square one. We WILL get there. /it's an awful feeling that I wasted 23 years of my life but I didnt. I have three wonderful kids out of it who are my friends and allies as well as my flesh and blood. And I want to show them you dint need to put up with misery just because its easy. Ive never been on my own since I was 19 and its damn scary, financially especially. But I have learned alot about myself in this process.

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05 May 17 #491900 by Rob6
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Katie, that's the thing, even though we were unhappy for a long time and it was a pretty miserable, dysfunctional relationship the ending has been gut-wrenchingly awful. I just want a few easy days. Since it has been finalised, I've felt terrible.

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05 May 17 #491903 by Kazzz
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Gosh I can identify with the feeling of failure, almost embarrassed to admit I'm divorced to some.
The anxiety, doubt and fear hits in waves too..even though I yearned to be divorced for years the reality is different to what I expected.
If you think about it, it's normal as you've made a life with someone for years and now your life has totally changed...it will be unsettling.
I think you just have to remember your original feeling that it was no longer 'right' for you. You might even still like or love your ex so you will have mixed emotions.The feelings you have now are craving the security and comfort from the familiar and fear of the new, alone. Divorce is not a simple case of ending and beginning something new, your old life will always be part of it.

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05 May 17 #491906 by Rob6
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Kazzz,

You got it spot on. Even though it's for the best, divorce just turns your life upside down and then some. People who haven't been through it just don't understand. My previous partner died and while I shouldn't compare the two, in terms of emotionally, this has been far more challenging.

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06 May 17 #491921 by Kazzz
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You've got it right too,it turns life upside down and shatters it as you knew it. You're left to pick up the pieces and make something new,to start again.Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes...hopefully lol x
Think about it,accept it and try to find peace with it. Turn stress into positivity as best you can Xxx

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07 May 17 #491940 by Lymm
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Hi
I too hadn't been on my own since my teens and it was and continues to be very scary. Financially I just can't seem to get my shit together, I can't seem to say no to my kids, not that they are spoilt but for stupid stuff like haircuts! I just don't have the money for stupid things like that anymore and the ex hasn't paid a penny since the day we left court.
I haven't had contact with him since as he wasn't nice. Except last week I had to as my 18 year old ended up in hospital with the equivalent of a heart attack so for the first time I had to speak to him. He drove up and spent time at the hospital last weekend, I even offered him a room here as he had no where to stay. What I got back was the usual abuse that I only did that to make him look bad in front of the kids. No I did I it cos I'm a nice person. So it's back to no contact for me as I can't deal with the way he speaks to me. My anxiety is back as what happens next weekend when he drives up again, son out of hospital but on complete rest so how is he going to see him?? I'm not offering to come into my home again.
Evertytime I think I'm getting there something is always around the corner to trip me up. Xx

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