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I just miss her

  • andy317
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07 May 17 #491942 by andy317
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5 years we have been apart and I still miss her, she doesn't care about me, if she did she wouldn't have broken our marriage up without putting in serious effort, her dad told me she used to speak highly of me in the first few years, although I hadn't reached my full potential yet, she told me that she thought once we got married I would become more confident, she told me when we breaking up that I would soon meet someone else, you're not the person you were when I met you, there's more to you now, she needed someone reliable to have children with, once that was done with she didn't have a need for me.

I sit here thinking why am I not an out going confident man who could go and find a resturant , then come back and tell her why she would like it. Instead she married someone who just did boring stuff, she said I wouldn't be on my own for long, get on the dating sites, you might find someone who had a hard time and they will really appreciate you.

Sorry to go on I still miss her, I should have by now but I just can't get over it, for better for worse we said, then didn't say anything to me.

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07 May 17 #491945 by andy317
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Sorry, i just cling to what i thought i had, I was happy then she took it away from me without trying anything to keep the family together, I was 47 and I learnt that i had low self esteem, I've had counselling, hypnotherapy and anti depressants but at times there are trigger points and everything boils over and I get upset

  • Dotti6157
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07 May 17 #491953 by Dotti6157
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Hi ANDY
I am sorry that you are suffering so much pain, and I know exactly what you mean by 'I miss her'
I am in the same situation but my marriage broke down for different reasons however it does not matter why it broke down the fact is it did, I suffered horrendously for about 3 years until I had realised that nothing would make the marriage work it takes two. I cannot even advise you what you should do. but what I can say is keep writing down your thoughts on this site and you will soon realise that there are people on here that care and will support you I will listen to your woes and try my best to support you. please don't think you are on your own we are here and we will listen.
Good luck my friend.

  • looking_ahead
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07 May 17 #491975 by looking_ahead
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Andy,

I want to chip in too, despite being a new chap to the community, my story is different too, however, some of the basics are there - my STBX ended our marriage, I wish she hadn't but I can't change it, she has already moved on with a new boyfriend and I'm nowhere near ready to even think about that stuff.

I've been keeping a diary, it really helped me writing the stuff done, I've booked myself in for counselling, I've posted questions on here and always had thought provoking replies.

I wish you well and keep posting!

  • Mitchum
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07 May 17 #491978 by Mitchum
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Andy, we’re human and we have strong emotional ties to the person we loved, especially when you have children together. We fall in love and channel all our hopes and aspirations into that relationship, and when one party decides to call it a day, a joint venture ends up a solitary journey without a life map. We didn't plan for this journey because it's one we never thought we'd be taking.

Never apologise for pouring out your heart here. It's incredibly hard to let go of the pain, and it's good to get all those feelings out and setting them down in writing helps to give you some perspective. You need a massive injection of self-esteem and wiki friends are just the ones to give it!

You’ve accepted your marriage is over and now it's time to jumpstart your life!
Your self-esteem has taken a body blow, but focus on the good things about your marriage - your lovely children to help you move on.

  • Declan
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13 May 17 #492160 by Declan
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Hi there ,

If you are still in pain and suffering five years on , may I suggest that you are stuck somewhere in the grieving process . I think had I not worked hard on my recovery I too would be stuck .

I would still be stuck in her business and not in mine . Acceptance is one thing , letting go totally is another .

Consider looking at the grieving process and decide where you are , then take the necessary steps to address it. I was stuck in anger for a while . Once I knew where I was I was able to address it and move forward with my life . I had to take a painful look at myself and I came to a conclusion hat I was as much at fault for the breakup . The fact that my ex left showed that she had the courage and wisdom to realise that it was best for her happiness .

I have now re built my life . I indulged my passions, and found me and what I am happy with l. Now, the ex is just someone I knew. And, I wish her happiness and good health .

Andy , I was married 29 year . Been divorced five year now. Yes, it is unpleasant feelings and painful whilst you re discover you and re shape your world .
It is up to you Andy, you have the choice . Stay suffering or choose a new better life for you . Once you decide to take control of your life and your own happiness which by the way comes from within , so much positivity starts to emerge . The fog in your head clears . You become more positive and confident . Stronger and wiser .

Andy, I tell you this ....... it is there waiting for you . All you have to do is take back your power . Do not let your ex have any of it . Get in your business. Not hers or anyone else . It's your life , your happiness . Your future . It's a cliche but true, life is too darned short . I have heard that said many a time from older wiser people than I. And, they are right .

Wishing you much good fortune in your recovery Andy . ...

D

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15 May 17 #492243 by Kazzz
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There is somebody for everybody...you two were not right for each other. Just as she has moved on and found someone compatible so you can too and somebody else really might appreciate you.
First you have to like yourself and accept yourself, not beat yourself up about being something you're not.You sound like you have poor self-esteem, think of all your good points and be aware of and try to improve the not so good and then you can do all you can do.
When you break up it's easy to get stuck in a groove,over-romanticising what you had or thinking about what you could have had.Try to remember it ended because it wasn't right. I think you have to try to accept and let go of the past, look towards the future xxx

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