A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Still struggling

  • Fifty plus
  • Fifty plus's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
20 Jul 17 #494679 by Fifty plus
Topic started by Fifty plus
I've been separated for a year but nothing seems to be getting any easier. I have good days but then the slightest thing knocks me back. My husband went off with another woman after 26 years of marriage and I don't seem to be able to move forward however hard I try. I feel so worthless. I try to be positive for my sons but I really feel as if things are never going to get any better. He has gone off and abandoned us all. He gives me money to feed the boys but hardly sees them at all. I am left with all the day to day stuff as well as their emotional needs.He just spends his time going on holiday with his new woman. I feel so cheated - this was not the life I had planned but there is nothing I can do about it. People keep telling me that it is my time now and that I have to do things for me but I 'm not even sure who that woman is anymore- and I sort of feel that the time when I was happiest was when we were a family - but that has all gone. How do I find my way through all this? Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. I just feel a little overwhelmed.

  • itsbeenalongtime
  • itsbeenalongtime's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 17 #494685 by itsbeenalongtime
Reply from itsbeenalongtime
I have been separated for 2,1/2 years now and I still have days I want it all to go back to the way it was, but they are a lot fewer than they were.
I still feel physically sick when I get anything from my solicitor but I am stronger than I was. I know it will all fall in a heap again when the final paperwork is signed but I am starting to wish it was all over now. It is very much a roller coaster. It seems mad to say it but you almost need to go through every emotion to be able to come out the other side as the new you.
stay busy, people always say make some time for you, but it think there is a right time for that too. I find when im in "me time" I just go over everything, so I just keep busy. I get annoyed when I think of him doing what ever he wants, when ever he wants but take comfort in the fact that my children are with me every step of the way. He will end up a sad lonely old man. My major goal is making memories with me children, friends and family that he is not part of. My life is going to be exactly that, "my life".
Stay strong and keep chatting on here. Its most definitely a lifeline and a comfort and strength to many.
X

  • Lymm
  • Lymm's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
20 Jul 17 #494686 by Lymm
Reply from Lymm
I know exactly how you feel, it's been three years in two days since he phoned and told me after twenty years that he didn't need me anymore! It was the week before my fiftieth so here I am again a week before my birthday on my own whilst he too lives his new life with his new wife in another country.
No holidays this year for me and his kids whilst they live a great life.
And yes I do enjoy my life, my new home which is mine but am i being a spoilt brat because I miss my old life, and yes I miss that on my birthday there won't be a lovely surprise present, an evening out or anything. If I go out with the kids I will arrange it and I will be the one paying so to be honest I just won't bother.
Whinge over.
Life will go on tomorrow and it will all seem much better once I get past the anniversary of the worse day of my life. Onwards and upwards xx

  • Under60
  • Under60's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 17 #494687 by Under60
Reply from Under60
I am kind of the opposite! I now don't have to put up with the mental torture of being controlled by someone, adapting everything to suits his needs, waiting for the next flying off the handle for no apparent reason. I am ecstatic that I am now back in control of my own life, with my children and no controller making the rules. Life is great. As for him, I couldn't care less what he does, or what unfortunate woman ends up with him next.

  • Fifty plus
  • Fifty plus's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
20 Jul 17 #494688 by Fifty plus
Reply from Fifty plus
I know what you mean- I do feel glad that I no longer feel sick every time the key turns- wondering what lie he is going to tell me next- but I still long for my old life. I think I just feel lost and really angry that he could do this to the woman he used to love. I find it very hard to get my head round it all. One day I'm furious, the next day I sob, the next day I'm fine. I think I got used to being controlled and now I don't know where to begin controlling my own life. I was a strong independent woman. What happened?

  • Under60
  • Under60's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 17 #494689 by Under60
Reply from Under60
You were a strong independent woman 26 years ago, you can be that again. Accept your husband is a loser...he has lost you with his lies. As he is a liar he is not worth knowing. Don't think of what you have lost, and how you want it as it was, think of it as a way to go back to the strong independent woman you were 26 years ago, but now with 26 years more experience of life. You have your children, and grandchildren to come....it will all be fine xx

  • Clawed
  • Clawed's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
21 Jul 17 #494691 by Clawed
Reply from Clawed
It will get better, my boss at work said she envied me my dramatic way of dealing with stuff, I really really react, no keeping a lid on emotions for me but it's over quickly whereas she puts a brave face on and sufferers low grade misery for ages, we all need to feel the feelings, deal with them and move on however we do it. Once I accepted that it was over with my ex it became easier to focus on me and what I wanted, I loved my old life but tried to appreciate it, let it go and build a new one.
Some people saw me as shallow as I got into a relationship with someone else(a friend of many years standing)very quickly but I decided that at my age (55 after 34 years married)) there was no point hanging about for the sake of decency, I'm too old to worry about what people think and if I was building a new life for myself it had to be what I wanted and what the universe put in my way, I didn't want to miss enjoying now because I was focusing on what used to be. I had days when I wept and railed against the terrible way I'd been treated (as I said I tend to over react)communications from the ex undid me so I had no contact I tried to focus on the positives and very soon my old life faded and became less real in my memory and building new memories became much more important.
Hang in there, it will get better you only have to follow a few stories on here to see that, yours will be one of them - I come back and say how well life has worked out for me not to brag but to give hope to new arrivals because it did me the world of good in my early days in the early hours to read about people happy in their new lives.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11