Divorce is one of the most painful and complicated things you'll ever experience.. No one can fix you . We have to learn to fix ourselves . The hard truth is we have to do the thinking, the planning,the learning , the experimenting and the work . For me I had to feel the pain and go through it . I could not heal by proxy .
It is all up to us it is our life .No matter how much people love you and care about you they cannot fix you . It is our responsibility and life purpose to make life one that you enjoy and cherish .
I was married a long time , to change from having someone at your side to share your life to being well your own advocate is painful transformation.
However, let me say this . Stepping into your own power is very very liberating . Total power over yourself . Accepting responsibility for yourself and fixing the problems in your life are truly empowering. Making changes that mean something to you are important . It does not matter if the men anything to anyone else because it is not your job to please others .
It is your job to please you .
As I changed not everything worked . I made mistakes . Big mistakes . They were my mistakes no one else mistakes . No one to blame . They were part of my learning . Pieces of my life that shaped the man I am today .
I read a book . The Soverign Man . ... wow .. it sure helped me realise how I had been in the past . Depending on the world to supply what I needed instead of going to get what I needed.
So as painful and horrible as divorce is . I am grateful for my divorce because it allowed me to start my ongoing discovery of me.
I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had I not got divorced . Would I have have woken up to the fact that I am the one in charge of me and creating my life as I want it .
So as clawed and others have written . Let go old life build a brand new one . A life to relish and cherish
To repeat Clawed ..... Hang in there . Decide what life you want . Then go get it .
Thank you for all your comments. It is coming up to my anniversary which is difficult but I can see the truth in everything you say. I do need to change but it is so difficult- especially living with my boys and in the same house.I am surrounded by memories which is really hard. I know I need to let go - I just don't really know how. I'll keep trying though.
Small steps my friend . Yes anniversary are tough . However you will survive . I lived in FMH for a while after she went . I told myself every day that I will get through it .
May I ask
Why do you think your Ex is responsible for your happiness ?
Yes it is tough to let go and it is not easy . When you have done the work on yourself the rewards soon come , you will come to realise that if someone does not want to be with you then it is wise to let go . Kiss the past goodbye and embrace your future . Trust me it's there .