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Horrendous end to family weekend

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21 Aug 17 #495716 by julie321
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My son and his fiancee came over for the weekend to meet his sister's boyfriend and spend the weekend as a family
The weekend was lovely up until last night when he started talking about the wedding and who was invited saying his dad's family would all be there. These people cut me out of their lives entirely after the break up of our marriage although at first they assured me I would always be a part of the family because of my son and daughter.
The thought of being in their company makes me feel physically sick and my son knows this but when I mentioned it he became very aggressive and abusive saying I was spiteful and selfish and hitting me in the face.
I cannot believe how he behaved as I have done everything for him since his father left. I was the one who took him to uni and picked him up every holiday. When he started work I was the one who transported him and all his belongings across the country even though his dad said he was taking him backing out at the last minute as usual.
I know this year so far has been very hard for him and his fiancee as her sister died suddenly at 24 and it has been a terrible time. I was there for them once again being in the end of the phone speaking to his fiancee about her sister whenever she needed someone outside her immediate family to talk to and attended the funeral driving a long way to get there.
I have been prepared to do all I could for my son for all his life and suddenly I am the enemy and he has gone home with us saying we will not see each other again.
Sorry for burdening the community with this but as some of you know the only family I have are my son and daughter who is also distraught by what has has happened.
Have I been wrong to be there all the time would I have been better letting him down like his father has as it seems he has more love for him and his terrible family than me.

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21 Aug 17 #495718 by sunglasses
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I was really sad to read what happened. You did everything for your children and I am sure deep down they know this. You sound a wonderful mum and your children are lucky to have you as well. Maybe just give it a bit of time hopefully once things have calmed down maybe you can try talking to them and explaining how you feel. Just don't let it ruin you looking forward to the wedding. At least you know you have done nothing wrong and t was your husbands family that chose to cut you out of their lives and they are the ones who have to live with that. Just try not to let it come between you and your kids as maybe your son feels torn on what to do.

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21 Aug 17 #495719 by sunglasses
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Does not excuse the hitting though that is wrong

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21 Aug 17 #495723 by julie321
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Thank you
I will not be attending the wedding whatever happens if his father's family are going to be there. The atmosphere would be awful and I feel the tension would ruin the whole day and I do not want to be responsible for that.
He has made it clear they are more important to him than I am but I am sure that when he needs something they will not be there as I have been.
As for his father's family living with what they have done it will not bother them in the slightest. They are always in the right according to them.

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21 Aug 17 #495725 by Clawed
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So sorry to hear that you are so upset by your son's actions and that you feel unable to attend the wedding. Weddings are always going to be difficult when there are divorced parents involved my niece solved the problem by inviting no one, I accept that I will be expected to swallow my feelings for the day should my ex and I both be invited to such a family occasion because it isn't fair on the children (no matter how grown up) to have to take sides. I'm sure you did everything you did for your son because you love him not to buy his support, you can sleep easy knowing you did your best for him but if he loves his father it will be difficult for him to see him as you do and pointing out his deficiencies will only put you in the wrong in your sons eyes.
I expect time will heal the situation between you and your son although it will probably be up to you to apologise (so what if you were right - happy is better than right and you are the grown up here) offer the olive branch when everything has calmed down unless you prefer to cut contact. Only you know what you are prepared to tolerate to be a part of your son's life, me I'd do whatever it took I'd go to the wedding and behave impeccably so it was obvious that no tension resulted from me being there (then I'd come home and cry and probably smash things) because I wouldn't want to accept the alternative of being excluded.

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21 Aug 17 #495731 by julie321
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I have not got a problem with his dad being there ( even though he has and still is dragging out the divorce settlement it has been 8 years now)it is the extended family I object to. I have no other family to support me except my daughter who I know would go out of her way to protect me being targeted by them but I would not expect her to be put in such a position.
Their father and his family have done their best the past eight years to turn both kids against me and it looks like they have succeeded with one of them.
It is not a coincidence that he stayed with his Aunt and Uncle on the Friday before he came to me and the words he came out with were put in his mouth by them.
This has happened before after a visit to them so it is not a surprise.
I have never asked the kids to take sides that is their father's way. Not long after he left he told them they should forget about me and build a new life with him and the OW. I love both my children more than life but I will not be bullied by them. I spent too many years putting everyone before myself during my marriage and decided I would do what was right for me now and being in a toxic situation with ex family is not right for me.
As I have already said knowing my son as I do it would spoil the whole day for him as he would be worrying if there was going to be trouble and when ex family have had a drink there usually is. I have witnessed this at many family occasions over the years and I never want to be there again.

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21 Aug 17 #495739 by Clawed
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You know your family so know the right decision for you, it's sad, I hope your son comes round once he has a chance to calm down,

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