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Horrendous end to family weekend

  • Annie2326
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23 Aug 17 #495808 by Annie2326
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Hi julie321

I'm desperately sorry to hear of this terrible situation with your son.

I have to say, him striking his mother or any one else is totally out of order.
There is no excuse or reason that can condone this behaviour.

You must feel desperately hurt. I know I would.

He may apologise, but to me , he stepped over a boundary
Getting so angry as to lash out.

I am a firm believer in being the one to make the first move
In disagreements with my daughter, which only happened in the early days.

I hope he comes to his senses, and apologises for striking you.
Only then can you move on, by example you could then go to the wedding, and no matter the provocation show him the decent and proper way to act if any negative situation arises.

In the meantime my heart goes out to you, but just keep going,
I'm sending a big hug.

  • julie321
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24 Aug 17 #495825 by julie321
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Thank you so much Annie.
I keep going over what happened and cannot understand why he seems to blame me for the Family situation. He just can't see that the family cut me and his sister off not the other way round even though his sister has tried to explain too. But I am the bad guy in all this so I guess I will just have to accept it.

  • Declan
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24 Aug 17 #495828 by Declan
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Well hello Julie

Ain't you been through the mill . You know, clearly there are a lot of issues going on here .

As Annie says a son striking mum cannot be condoned , he has a big problem . Somewhere along the line he took a wrong turn . The anger he must have inside him is eating him up .

You know, what is important right now is you . Yes you . All those emotions and feelings running through you must be terrible . I feel for you .

Maybe it's time you made decisions on what is best for you right now . Face the tough questions about yourself . What type of person do you want to be ? Do you want happiness ? What thoughts do you want to entertain ? Take away blame . Blame nobody for your feelings. We choose how we want to be . No one else has the power to do that . Once you allow others to dictate how you feel then you give away your power.

You are a wonderful woman , unique in every way . Love conquers all you know . Be there for family . Do not be trod on . Set your boundaries and Marshall them always . Give your love to family freely .

Be the better person that you know you really are . It is not easy trust me I know . Takes time . Takes strength . Takes courage .

May I suggest , you get that pen and paper and make a start . Who am I ? Usually a good place to start in opening Pandora's box .



All will be well

  • IvorProblem
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25 Aug 17 #495862 by IvorProblem
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Some wonderful wisdom from Declan!

The ex family has cut you off: can they live with that? I believe they can and will.

If you don't attend your son's wedding, can you 'live with that'?

If / when you don't attend your son's wedding (presumably you have been invited) guess what the next step in anyone building / destroying family relations will be!

If you go to the wedding, you'll be going for your son, to show support, solidarity and love and that may be in the face of feelings of opposition. I'm sure they will 'only' be feelings; it would be overstepping another mark for the other side to bring 'issues' to the fore at someone's wedding. In which case it should be to their embarrassment and shame and not yours.

If you wish you can keep a low profile; participate where needed (the photos?); be visible, open and friendly to those that offer / reciprocate such an approach and make sure that the 'happy couple', at the very least, note you attended.

  • julie321
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25 Aug 17 #495863 by julie321
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They have no problem with what they have done at all.
As for bringing issues to the wedding there will be no problem with that either.
At a wedding six months after we split before I was kicked out of the family ex's sister had my daughter in tears asking her why she thought her dad had done something wrong by having an affair!
The are a lovely bunch of people and knowing my son he will be worrying all day about something happening if I am not there it can't can it.

  • loislane
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28 Aug 17 #495923 by loislane
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What was his fiancee's reaction to him hitting you...that is one big red flag..if that was me there would be no wedding!

  • julie321
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29 Aug 17 #495936 by julie321
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She was not there had already gone to bed.
It was totally out of character he is usually a very placid person.
I think as Declan has said he has issues relating to our split that have never been resolved.
Both my children have suffered due to their father's affair but no one else can see this only me.
I think my son puts on a front for his father's family my daughter has been cut off as I have because she refused to meet OW and because his family do not see any wrong in what he has done she pays the price.

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