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2 months on, still struggling but not so badly

  • EStripes
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22 Feb 18 #499773 by EStripes
Topic started by EStripes
It feels like much more than two months since I found this forum, two months since my husband ended our marriage.

I've really, really struggled with depression, panic attacks, anxiety, and to top it all agoraphobia but slowly, oh so slowly I'm making tiny (Ok, miniscule) steps to recovery.

On the positive side, mentally, I've stopped ruminating and blaming myself. I've even found myself getting quite angry with him. I've realised (without weeping and wailing) that he'd been planning/wanting to leave for a good while but hadn't got the guts to do it and be on his own. He waited until he had someone new waiting in the wings - admittedly, in the same way he had me waiting when he left his first wife. I sincerely hope that if he gets bored with his new partner, he doesn't treat her in the same way.

Yes, I'm still as miserable as a miserable thing but not every minute of the day. I know there are tough times ahead but the fact that I can feel mightily cross with him at times is surely a good thing!


  • Clawed
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23 Feb 18 #499781 by Clawed
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Good to hear that you are feeling a little better, the weather in spring and lighter nights will help too I'm sure. I know that might sound trivial but I focused on enjoying the little things in my life and tried not to give the big picture any more attention than it needed to deal with the practicalities so I didn't get overwhelmed. Keep on looking after yourself and expect it to be up and down for a good while yet, remember that we are here and know what it's like use the support, all will be well.

  • Music loving me
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25 Feb 18 #499861 by Music loving me
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I am 4 months on this new journey and not every day is a good day but it does get a little easier you find yourself going out again and yes sometimes having a laugh. Up until the last month I found myself becoming a hermit but believe me it helps to get out and meet new people and to start rebuilding your life. Good luck and remember not every day will be good but embrace the better days

  • Pickle250
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28 Feb 18 #499954 by Pickle250
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I know exactly how you feel. My husband left me just before Xmas literally blaming me for our marriage going wrong.
I have since found out he has been leading a double life and has has a woman pregnant so he’s in a proper muddle.
I’m taking each day as it comes and like you have some good and some bad.
I’m finding working is helping as I’m pouring everything into it.
After work is a different matter shutting myself away and dwelling on everything.
I left the house for the first time last weekend and went walking out in the country really did some good.
Hang in there we will get through this x

  • EStripes
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28 Feb 18 #499955 by EStripes
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I took myself away to stay with a relative these last couple of weeks and I've been doing a lot of walking too, urban unfortunately but it has helped. Being away from the reminders has, I think, also been helpful, although I know I'll have to face them as soon as I get back.

Somehow, thinking whilst walking feels a lot more positive than just sitting mulling things over. Maybe it's the endorphins of a bit of exercise kicking in - I don't know.

I work for myself, and right now wish I didn't. The responsibility of a 9 to 5 job would be helpful but I need to get my act together and get back to my work as soon as I can.

  • Ruskinavenue
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02 Mar 18 #499991 by Ruskinavenue
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I'm new to this forum too. But I read your post and I'm sending you support. Tough times. But we aren't alone. Sometimes that's one of the most difficult things, thinking we're the only one going through what we're going through. But we're not. Knowing there are others like us, is so terribly helpful. I wish you strength.

  • Djsmith
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14 Oct 20 #514454 by Djsmith
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I have beaten myself up in the earlier months without any help blaming myself keep going over and over the days that lead up to all this and can see that my x planned all along to switch but realy it was her back in 2015 started having nights out etc staying out with a friend trying to have an affair and move out ok, as she got rejected and was caught and blamed me etc (All because she thought that that walking out into a new life but it didnot work out and myself could not forget how and when all lies fed me while working hard and looking after the children while she went out. (Hopeing it will get better but myself aware that still have along way togo.

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