I've kind of been ok up until now, but today it's all starting to hit home.
Stbx is exchanging contracts today on his new house, bought for cash with money from our offset mortgage account and ISA funds that were originally intended to pay off the mortgage on the FMH.
Last night I had to transfer just over £200,000 out of our joint account to his solicitor, because he is unable to use the online banking facility of of our account (he never bothered to set himself up with passwords/security etc, so I've always done the online transactions).
As I pressed the 'confirm' button, I felt incredibly sad. This really is it. He's got his house now and is moving out.I felt angry that he had made me do the financial transactions as well.
Today he is at home, hoping to get the keys so he can go and start 'working on' the house. Needless to say, there is a hold up and he is doing my head in, milling about the house trying to make polite conversation. I am in no mood.
It is also p***ing down with rain which adds to the gloomy feeling.
On top of it all, I went to Sainsburys this morning and checked my Nectar Points. I had been carefully saving them up, knowing how useful it will be to have a bank of points on the card that would enable me to do my Christmas food shopping, when I will be a single mum with 3 kids.Last year I had £60 worth of points which was a real bonus at Christmas time. For the 3rd time this year, he has taken my card and used the points to pay for random bits of shopping. I have £4.00 left. I wanted to cry but now I am so angry. It sounds so petty, I know. After all, as STBX says, 'it's only ... pounds, there's no difference between using the points now or paying for xmas food with cash later'! He doesn't get it (which is why he has done this repeatedly, despite my getting really upset the last time he did it, and him promising not to do it again). It's not the money really that matters, it's the fact he DOES NOT listen to me, or take into account my feelings or wishes. He makes noises like he's listening and agreeing to what I say, but always goes ahead and does his own thing. That sums up my marriage really.
I had 4 hours sleep last night and wake up early each morning with a sick feeling in my stomach. At least I'm on school holidays so don't have to worry about work until September.
As soon as he's out of here (mid September - don't know how I'm going to last that long) I will be filing that divorce petition.
It’s not petty, it’s real life, that’s how you feel...
You’ve been incredibly reasonable in doing as you have, I don’t know if I would have been so accommodating in transferrring such a huge sum of money to a man who clearly wants if all! Do it yourself would have been my first thought...
However, as has been commented on previous posts, he might see his new little mortgage free pad as his (French inheritance/savings if I remember) but when it comes to crunch, this will 100% be in “the pot”. So maybe try and see it as an investment, for you and the kids. That he may well get to keep, but the chances of him keeping thaat AND 50% of the FMH are slim. With the difference in your earnings and the fact that he is mortgage free, he has probably set himself up for a big fall.
Once he’s gone, I really feel that you will be able to focus more on the future. It might not seem like it now, but filing the petition and sorting finances, taking control. You will feel stronger and calmer