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History repeating

  • danjbarron
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30 Oct 18 #504612 by danjbarron
Topic started by danjbarron
7 years ago I went into a black hole after my wife left me for another man and took our young daughter to live in France. It took me many months to get over this and I finally thought I’d found happiness again. Without getting into it too much we fell into a spiral or rows and she finally decided enough was enough. She ended it but as we shared a house together expected me to continue in the same house as her ‘friend’ and not lover for another 6 months. This emotionally crippled me especially as she kept dangling the hope of reconciliation. Eventually the house sold and we went our separate ways with some contact. I know I was clinging to the hope of getting back together and never really accepted it was over until one Sunday morning like a bolt from the blue it hit me. That was 6 weeks ago and I am a wreck. Consumed by thoughts of her relentlessly desperate to speak to her desperate to convince her we can work. She doesn’t want to know and has always maintained that she needs to be alone to regroup. For at least a year before we split it was always about what she wanted and needed and not once in 3 years did she accept any responsibility for her behaviours. It took her 14 months to use the word sorry. Everything was my fault. So my rational head knows she wasn’t right for me but she represented a future and she had so many great qualities. I’m looking to the good folk of wiki as they helped me so much last time to help pull me through this. When will this yearning end?

  • Clawed
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31 Oct 18 #504615 by Clawed
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Concentrate on a new future if that is what you feel you've lost, what do you enjoy, what do you want? The best way to stop dwelling on the negative things in your situation is to focus on the positive things, as you build a new life the old one will look less attractive. I don't mean to sound heartless I know how difficult it can be to process the hurt of being left but I had to let that go and find things to make me happy that didn't depend on anyone else. There are lots of threads about how to look after yourself read them all and make plans even if it's only for a walk or visiting somewhere you want to go. This unhappiness will pass and by the time your ex has regrouped you will probably have moved on so far that you are no longer interested.

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