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Anyone in a similar situation?

  • el_johnstone
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20 May 19 #507659 by el_johnstone
Topic started by el_johnstone
STBX requested a divorce back in 2015. We agreed to go with 2 years separation with consent to avoid all the mud slinging. She moved out in 2015 with our son, but still in the local area.

2017 comes and goes. She's with someone else now, seems to be a nice enough guy. No petition is sent to me.

2018, comes and goes. Still no petition sent to me.

2019... "enough" I think. I start the process via the gov website. Pay the fee and things get moving.

What I'm finding annoying / frustrating, is I'm now having to drive a process that I didn't want (back in 2015). I wouldn't say she is stalling, but I'm the one thats having to move things along now.

I went to obtain legal advice as my ex does appear to be all about the financial aspect. I'm very in the dark about her financial situation. No idea of her income and outgoings. When I emailed her that I'd started the process and while it was a drawn out process, we could make it more efficient by agreeing on the financial side and have that ready by the time nisi is done (instead of only starting that then). All I get back is an email asking what I'm proposing. In other words "Throw a number at me"

Fortunately I knew well enough to not do that. I get the feeling that I can submit a figure (not a take the proverbial figure), she'll ask if I would consider that to be fair, I'll respond that I have no idea of her financial situation so "yes".

I've said a few times in this forum that STBX and I have a "functional relationship" and to some respects it is, but this aspect is like getting blood from a stone. I know I wont get an answer to my questions, so I wont bother wasting my time asking them.

Its now getting to the point where I feel a "form E" is 100% going to be required. This is based on a phonecall we had in 2016 where STBX said they'd gotten advice from the CAB and for me to get independant advice too. I asked her what the CAB had told her, and she very matter of fact told me "I don't need to tell you anything". I fancied the D81 route, but thats more suited for people that are informed.

Sorry for the rant everyone....

  • Vigorate
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20 May 19 #507660 by Vigorate
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I am in a similar position to you except my stbx is not working so I know what her income is.

Nevertheless, I estimated her income based on what I know she could earn based on her qualifications when the divorce comes though.

In my case, her income only comes into play for changing the 50:50 split of house equity (so she can have a bigger deposit due to having less mortgage capacity) and the possibility of spousal maintenance for a limited period of time (till the kids are in senior school).

My financial proposal will be based on my estimates. If she wants more than I offer then any changes will be based on full disclosure nearer the time.

The phone call you had was in 2016 so may be worth asking again before finalizing your numbers.

  • el_johnstone
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20 May 19 #507661 by el_johnstone
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You raise a fair point Vigorate.

I know what she does for a living but obviously cannot work out the complete amount she'd be earning (although, again I could do an educated guess). I'm sure the benefits system will come into play because of things such as child benefit / income support (is that what its called these days?). I consider myself fortunate enough to have never needed benefits, but that also means I have no idea as to what is available to someone. If I lost my job tomorrow, I'd have one hell of a learning curve to know what I could and couldn't claim).

Anyway I'm digressing. I have recently received an email from STBX asking about attending MIAMs to discuss arrangements (in other words, £££'s). So again, something else I need to drive forwards.

Does anyone have experience with MIAMs? I do understand they pertain to mediation which is more cost effective (cheaper) than solicitors but we've not even tried to talk directly yet. Or would it seem like we're skipping that without even trying it.

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20 May 19 #507663 by Vigorate
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I would try to agree first before mediation. From what I know the whole point of mediation is to try to get the parties to agree, which would be impossible if you don't know each others position in the first place.

You also need to consider the timing of the mediation relative the Decree Nisi as I have read that there is a limited timescale allowed between mediation and launching court proceedings for financial settlement if the mediation is not successful. If the timescale is exceeded mediation needs to be tried again.

Hopefully someone with more knowledge can also comment.

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