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Cant do this anymore

  • divorcee_1972
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06 Dec 20 #515010 by divorcee_1972
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I cant do this anymore. I dont want to live beyond this. But I'm scared of killing myself. What if I fail and am left damaged.

My wife suffers with mental health issues. I didn't understand her condition and instead strayed when i found myself lost, alone, and angry.

We've tried cohabiting, but she flies off the handle. She follows me around the house, shouting, screaming, hitting. All I want is to sit quietly in my office and work.

Yesterday for the second time she had me arrested for assault after she assaulted me. I spent the second time in my life, and in the past 2 months in a jail cell. For the second time in my life and in 2020, I have been released on bail.

My bail end date is Christmas eve. I can't go home. I cant see my kids. I cant join in the build up to Christmas.

I am alone. Sitting in Wales in my motorhome....its cold outside. I have a log burner and open fires at home. I should be sat in front of one of them, getting ready to watch the formula one.

But I cant.

I dont want to BE anywhere.i just cant do this.

  • Djsmith
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06 Dec 20 #515011 by Djsmith
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Stay strong!
I was very close to the edge myself.
My x also had me arrested for something she made up planed with her son Just to get me out of the way and using her Daughter all part of a plan, I will not get 18hrs back Yes in a holding cell (Released without charge) because of a bunch of lies but all because she wanted to cover up her own tracks.
Not nice but in the long round a saying what goes round etc.
In the back of my mind is that I'm free from all her Gaslighting etc and the children who I also have not seen for over 9 months when of age will find out the true truth who was there for them (It was not my x).
Stay out of the way until New year because what will happen is that your x will phone up again and say something and hay your arrested again the Police and system will always reside with your x esp if children involved.
My advice is to stay out of the way yes it's going to be difficult esp not seeing children etc but in the long and short of it will be the best for all.

Do not go and visit stay away.

  • divorcee_1972
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06 Dec 20 #515021 by divorcee_1972
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No I'm not going back.

I laying in my camper thinking if I have the guts to start my petrol generator and then go to sleep. I have a new level of respect for people who do that. It takes guts, that I dont know I have...tonight.

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06 Dec 20 - 06 Dec 20 #515022 by Djsmith
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Believe me, when I say that, thought that it would never happen to me it was hell did not fully understand why but then it all falls into a place you can go on over and over in detail until it eats away at you but self-respect, etc comes through my main concern for me is my Daughter hows hear well being etc being used played by her my x.
Stay strong and donot beat yourself up its not worth it have been there has taken me 9 months to realize that at the end the truth will come out.
Last edit: 06 Dec 20 by Djsmith. Reason: Spelling

  • bigman60
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06 Dec 20 - 07 Dec 20 #515023 by bigman60
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hi buddy , you need to evaluate your situation , and try to understand what is happening to you regarding your thoughts and the chemical reaction ,you are having to the trauma your going through, and how its affecting you .go on you tube search for a Chanel called MIND THAT SEEKS TRUTH the guys name is mehran dadbeh .binge watch some of his video and it will help you understand why you feel the way you do and help you move forward .
Last edit: 07 Dec 20 by bigman60.

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