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False allegations of domestic abuse

  • SASManJim
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10 Jun 21 #516941 by SASManJim
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I'm sure it's well known now that psychological domestic abuse is considered very much under the umbrella of domestic abuse, and rightly so.

However, and I hate saying that, I'm facing completely unfounded allegations of psychological DA and I'm seriously concerned that they've been given credence. It's very well talking about the burden of proof etc, in practice this isn't the case. And surely there's an enormous gender bias here?

I'm going to say it, I'm a great dad, and I love my kids more than anything in the world. They make me smile constantly and I do everything I can to do the same for them. It seems they are being used as a meal ticket for my ex partner and psychological DA is the mechanism that she's going with.

Since what I thought was a mutual decision to split, there has been nothing but agression and claims of DA from her lawyer. Of course as I'm living in the same house and under advice from my own lawyer, I'm trying to not be in the same space as much as possible. Thing is there is no heated discussions, there is no arguments, there is no violence, there is only apathy (at least from me). And while I recognise that's not the best environment for the children, i do what I can every day to show them love, affection and attention.

Back to my worries: my ex partner has been referred to DA support (she has shouted this fact across the garden at me). However you look at that, it is now a fact that she is receiving that support. But at no point has any of her claims been investigated or verified. They've just taken her word and now it's a fact. I totally get that there needs to be that safe forum and contact etc for any victim of any kind of domestic abuse, but surely there needs to also be verification?

Will a judge look at this and put protection/occupation orders in place (even if only in the interim) while any evidence is looked at? There is of course none, other than a manufactured narrative. And the reason is simple, we're not married, if she gets me out based on some DA claim, then I would be liable to support the children in the home that I'm bit allowed in but paying everything for and then be homeless myself - she would get money. That's it.

I cannot quite believe that someone would not only abuse the resources put in place for real victims of DA and jeopardise a fathers relationship with his children.

What advice on stopping this?? Will I be evicted from my house based on lies?

  • Djsmith
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11 Jun 21 #516946 by Djsmith
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Watch your back note everything, snake in the grass comes to mind.
lawyer, will be advising her and will make sure that you become stressed put under pressure.

Yes very much so the courts will side with and evidence not required Just words etc her Lawyer will see to it that she will get a court order against you etc
Seek legal advice immediately as this could become very messy!

  • notgettinganywherefast
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12 Jun 21 #516947 by notgettinganywherefast
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I agree with djsmith. Get a good solicitor and/or barrister. Having just seen my partner go through as FDA which was totally biased towards the wife, you just can't risk getting a judge who takes your ex's side and doesn't listen to your case. Its your best chance of defending any false allegations I would think.

  • Marbles2021
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29 Jun 21 #517143 by Marbles2021
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My ex's, new but now ex partner said he was abusive to her and made up a lot of allegations against him. It did go to court with NO substantial evidence. I ended up going to court a character witness for my ex, as while we were divorced, at no time had he ever been physically abusive. It was crazy that it went to court but it did. This is not a comforting answer, but to let you know while the court did go in his favour in the end it cost him a great deal financially and emotionally. Seek legal advice immediately. Have you got any past partners that can testify that you are not an aggressive person? Wishing you good luck.

  • SASManJim
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29 Jun 21 #517145 by SASManJim
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Sounds like the correct outcome overall, that does bring me some comfort!

Funnily enough I was discussing this exact thing with my ex wife at the weekend and she wouldn't hesitate to give a statement in my favour. We actually have two boys together and while we don't see eye to eye on everything, we function and communicate very well for the kids.

Which is great, but the general consensus I've had to date is, unlucky, there's nothing you can do about it. Which is incredibly stressful as I'm not even sure how one would go about proving let alone disproving a lie. She has obviously told a false sorry tale to lawyers, schools, family and friends and subsequently excluded me from the kids (taking them out all day etc). She has signed up to DA courses also. Which is a disgrace, but seems to be taken as a given with no verification.

At least I have a nice car I can sleep in if it gets really bad lol

  • Marbles2021
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29 Jun 21 #517146 by Marbles2021
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We couldn't get our head around what she was doing to and saying to my ex. I absolutely explore you to seek legal advice as it can get messy. I wonder if you could go for a counter attack of slander? Just had a thought. Glad you have a nice car to sleep in, with Covid the prices of campers have shot up incredibly!

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29 Jun 21 #517147 by SASManJim
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Your message did make me laugh, and I have to say thank you, it was also very timely. I was definitely feeling a bit overwhelmed and thinking too much this evening.

I'm just banking on the absolutely apparent fact that it's nonsense. From the relationship with my kids, and testimony from my ex wife, messages from her and her family prior to the split saying how much of an amazing dad and how supportive I've been etc. This is what a reasonable person will look at and see the post split behaviour from her is simply vitriol and money grabbing. FYI, I have considerably less than she thinks I do, but is misled by the fact I gave her anything she wanted without question previously.

So thank you again marbles! It's good to know there are good people out there getting good results!

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