that hollow emptiness

After a couple of days where I was not coping at all and struggling to get through each hour again instead of through each day I have picked myself up a little bit and have tried today (exactly 4 months since my husband of nearly 25 years dropped his bombshell on me) to take a( nother ) tiny step away from him by rearranging some of the furniture in the living room with new throws I bought earlier. But instead of feeling proud of myself, this hollow emptiness inside of me seems to get bigger and bigger.
The panic, the 'why do I have to lead a new life when my life was a good one ?', the dispair, it's all coming back in waves that wash over me and take the small positive feeling I had with them.
I thought the hurt would get a little bit less after each month; my heart however is still bleeding and I don't know what to do to stop it.
I have not seen or spoken to him for 10 weeks, I have taken all his photos away, I have put most of his stuff in the room upstairs where he sleeps when he is in the house ( only when I am not there ) or might sleep for I don't know what he is doing since the woman he is in love with lives nearby and have banned his image from my mind ( or at least am trying to ).Then suddenly I am reminded of him by something on the computer ( having to scan a document for my son I see the copy of his passport )and the hurt comes rushing back and the emptiness spreads.
I feel like I have to start climbing all over again.
He is not worth is, he is so not worth the time I miss him, the thoughts of him I have, the love I still feel for him but how do you stop this after having been together for more than half of your life in what appeared to be a good relationship. Not that it was perfect or good all the time, I am realistic and the moments ( whether they were just moments or periods ) I was doubting and wondering were there as were the moments that I realized why it was I loved him.
Empty, I feel so empty and everything I do seem to disappear in that black hole.

Hallo

Yes, of course you feel empty. You were together a long time, you can't just shrug it off. Separation is very like bereavement, except that in bereavement the dead person doesn't keep popping in and out of your life!

You need to find what works for you, but there will be times when you feel bad.

I am in a happier state now, I feel quite indifferent when I see my husband. I've gone through terrible grief, which I found difficult as I thought when he left I'd be relieved, and then quite frightening anger. Now I'm calmer.

But when I was clearing his stuff out I found some boxes from when we'd cleared out his parents' house. There were some photos his Mum had taken of us when we first started going out - oh, boy did it make me cry. Firstly, I was crying for my lost youth, the young hopeful woman who'd chosen a man who wasn't worth it to spend her life with - and for my mother-in-law who really was a 2nd mother to me and who I knew would have been very angry with the way her son treated me. So I just accepted I felt awful and cried my eyes out. Then I dried my tears and got on with the packing it up.


You'll get there, but it won't happen in a nice smooth way, as life isn't particularly smooth.

Hi Dutch,

Like NoRegrets, i have been grieving for my 17 year marriage. I have suffered horrendous loneliness. I know I am better off without him. he did me no good, he took away my confidence, self esteem, and controlled me to you end. Still does even though we are divorcing.

But I still cry. When I start to feel that low I make myself think about the bad times.and count my blessings.
Fill Your time with other people to give your life meaning and purpose.

I know that hollow feeling and the feelings of dread in the pit of my stomach. But those feelings are getting few and far between now, thank goodness.

You will have moments of relapse thats normal and OK. You are sad and that is normal.

Maybe you need to make more positive steps toward recovery, like joining a club or college class, making new friends,or a new hobby, something you couldn't do when you were a couple.

A new world has opened up to you now....even though you didnt ask for it...so go and embrace it,

stay positive, debs

The feelings of loneliness are so overwhelming in the first few months after seperating, then they come a little less often as you start to accept that the marriage is over & turn your life around. I find that having friends round for dinners regularly & having nights out with them keeps me from feeling lonely. I also realise that when i AM feeling lonely lately that its not for him back, its for someone new. Divorce is all about change & adjusting, and once you realise that you begin to really move on.
Just keep living in today & look after yourself as if you were a precious stone, because you are!!! You deserve to be happy & to be loved, and one day someone will come along & treat you right again.
Thinking of you,
Cindy