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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

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CAN I ALSO FILE FOR DIVORCE?

  • JanMK16
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18 Mar 12 #318799 by JanMK16
Topic started by JanMK16
I had to ask my husband of nearly 20 years to leave 3 weeks ago. Last year he had a photo of our cleaner and tenant (naked from the waist upwards) on his mobile phone. He assured me that nothing had happened which I believed. We set some ground rules that this person would no longer be welcome in our house and the relationship would just be landlord/tenant. However, 6 weeks later she came to our home, he invited her in and gave her tea and cake! For me this was a far greater break of trust and confidence that the photo. I went ape. I asked him to leave but then met up with him 4 days later at my request to discuss our relationship. He agreed he would do everything in his power to put our relationship back in order, he would put me first and stop moaning and complaining to his family and friends about me (this, by the way, had been going on for years.) He would always tell me that his family did not like me "they can see with their own eyes what type of horrible person I am". As I said this has been going on for years and I slowly believed that I am a horrible person! Things improved for about 6 weeks then went back to how it had been before. We then had a massive fight in which I slapped him around the face several times and he physically assulated me too and threw me out on the street. He refuses to contact me to discuss our separation/divorce and is acting like a child. He has also been coming into the marital home without telling me and taking things which belong to both of us, i.e. our marriage certificate. I could change the locks but sent him a text as he does not answer his phone to me asking him to let me know when he is coming into the house as I do not want him going through my personal things too. By the way he also made off with my iPad which had been a gift from him! I suspect he needs the marriage certificate to file for divorce, probably on grounds of "my unreasonable behaviour". However, could I file independent of his Petition on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour (mental abuse and his shenanigans last autumn/winter)or can I contest his claim and put in a counter claim. I also want this marriage to end but I have not been the abuser he has. Also received a text from him with no message, just an e-business card, I guess, from his solicitor. I asked what this was about but, as usual, don''t expect to get a reply. Any advice would be appreciated.

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18 Mar 12 #318803 by dukey
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A couple of things you should know,

If he divorces you for UB he can claim the cost of the actual divorce, this tends to be around £1000 but can be more, to some extent the timing is also controlled by the Petitioner though not by much.

Its quite clear the marriage is over so best just try and agree, if he does Petition first agree to it providing you can agree who pays for it first.

Or

Send your petition first, it does not have to be expensive, in fact the wiki solicitor service is £179 so there would be no need to argue costs.

What is important is that you both don`t get caught up arguing when really all you both want is to divorce.

  • JanMK16
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18 Mar 12 #318804 by JanMK16
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Thanks. That thought had gone through my head as soon as I''d written it! Does it really matter that he "got in first"? The fact is the marriage is over and nobody is interested in the reasons why later on. I might also lose time in petitioning as I do not have the original marriage certificate (he does) and I would have to get a copy from the States as that is where we got married.

  • sim5355
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08 Apr 12 #322301 by sim5355
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hi! your husband sounds just like mine,when i told my husband that after 20 years of marriage i had done with his abuse thats when it all kicked off.i had my computor , keys,phone ,ipod stolen he made locks for garage ,workshop and gates so i could not get anything out or in.he hit my car parked in such away i could not get off the drive.Also put my toothbrush down the toilet.i would not worry about who gets in there first just get away as fast as you can as for the locks i would change them bacause i think its not fair that you live in fear and that is what happens .he is just a big bully !!!

  • soulruler
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08 Apr 12 #322304 by soulruler
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The original marriage certificate is not important as you can get a duplicate from the registrar of births deaths and marriages.

Sounds like he is going to be very difficult and try to land you with a lot of costs (speaking directly from huge amount of experience here).

At the moment the person who gets in first does have a little more control over the divorce proceedings and can hold you to ransom over costs.

I agree with Dukey that it doesn''t need to be expensive. So if I were you at this point I would look on this website for how to serve the Petition and I think under the circumstance I would go straight into serving the petition by recorded delivery first. The reason for this is that you can track whether he has received it and if he doesn''t then return it (so you can file it at court) you can then have it served by process server (you can google process servers and ring them up to see how this works and how much it costs).

You just need 5 reasons why the marriage has broken down and they don''t need to be too graphic or way too contentious contantly putting you down in front of family, having unreasonable relations with another woman are both good reasons for wanting a divorce.

The petition is important and so is keeping down costs and not letting someone who is controlling as your husband sounds make your life hell in divorce.

One thing that I did right in my divorce although not because I really knew at the time was when he threatened me with a petition on grounds of unreasonable behaviour (at which point he was trying to strangle me and threatening me with knifes and abusing me and the kids physically) was going to a solicitor who took no notice of the family law protocol which in general terms states that you have to agree the petition before filing - in actual fact that is not true for domestic violence but my solicitor did not tell me that and I don''t think he actually knew that.

We are moving to non fault divorce and in your case it is obvious to me that you both want and need a divorce so you do need to get in quick.

  • JanMK16
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08 Apr 12 #322305 by JanMK16
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Thank you all for your comments which have been most helpful. Since then things have moved on. He has since instructed a solicitor to file for divorce on the grounds of my "unreasonable behaviour." Having read the draft particulars you would wonder why he had stayed with me as long as he did (18 years) - being the psychopath that I am! The facts have been deliberately exaggerated beyond recognition. However I have taken legal advice and my solicitor has approved my response:
"I do not agree with either the facts of these statements which have been deliberately exaggerated to facilitate the divorce petition or of my alleged unreasonable behaviour, and I reserve the right to dispute the truth of these allegations if these are raised during the course of any subsequent proceedings. It is my opinion that it is your Client’s infidelity, inappropriate associations, deceitfulness, dishonesty and unreasonable behaviour which have caused the breakdown of the marriage and I believe I would have a good chance of defending this. However, I am not going to contest the divorce as I accept that the marriage is over and has broken down irretrievably. This is also on the understanding that your Client will pay the costs of the divorce suit and on the proviso that we are able to arrive at a mutually agreeable settlement of our financial matters...."

Thanks once again to you all!

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08 Apr 12 #322319 by soulruler
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:)

If he won''t agree I would go in 50/50 but if you get no response from his solicitor don''t get your solicitor involved in chasing up a response - leave it for the courts.

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