Hi folks, I''m back - been a long road to get here and still a long way to go.
My wife and I separated 18months ago, her wish after an affair, I insisted on a Separation Agreement however before being forced out of my family home. It was easiest for me to leave the home and what she wanted. Part of the agreement was shared care, finances etc.
An agreement was agreed by us, drawn up by my sol and agreed with hers, after many changes and ended up costing 5x the quoted guide price. Hey ho. Part of her changes however were for me to divorce her immediately afterwards on the grounds of UB, I presume her solicitor insisted on this as adultery is messy, emotional, costly and may paint a bad light on her - although my advice were unless in extreme occasions the reasons for divorce are usually unlikely to have an effect on it''s outcome.
We had a serious family issue just afterwards and both agreed to hold fire on the divorce (verbally) but she is now pushing and threatening for me to file, which I am therefore doing. I need to state 6 grounds for the sol to use on the Petition and wondered if anyone had any advice / thoughts. I don not want to be contentious or mean, merely truthful. My initial thoughts were as follows:
1. staying out at night without ''permission'' and not telling me where - numerous occasions
2. abandoning the children and I for periods of time up to a couple of days without consent
3. financial irresponsibility - running up huge debts that we then needed to take loans out to cover (cheaper interest) then extending said loans without my knowledge (I found out during disclosure for the Separation Agreement as the figures didnt add up by thousands)
4. Spending more time with her friends and hobbies that with me and the family - her hobby took 4 hrs min every day yet she often extended this to 6-8 hrs then when home spent more time on it helping her friends and acquaintances on there''s.
5. Begrudged me spending time on my hobbies / interests - when we married I gave up my volunteering (sat night+sun day once a week) to assist with the family more - yet even spending a hour or two a few times a week playing computer games online caused huge rows and me to be ignored.
My other concern is that my stbx my counter file, the agreement says not, but she has consistently said she''s not happy with the shared care arrangements (50/50 but variable due to my existing job and shift patterns) - she has now taken a job that has similar patterns to my own (nights) - I have reduced my hours at work as far as I am able to help accommodate but can do little more. There are FAR more serious things that occurred during the marriage breaking down, however I''m a firm believer that our son needs both his parents hence won''t be pursuing anything other than the 50/50 care we already agreed.
If she counter files or contests were do I stand then bringing to the ''table'' the other issues? My thoughts were that I had with held them to be as amicable as possible and not cause undue stress to the family.
What do you hope to achieve by bringing up the other issues?
My wife also countered and crossed and while she made wild allegation (which were dropped) i didnt care who was Petitioner. I just wanted to move on with as little damage as possible (both financially and emotionally).
If shared custody has been agreed, get it in writing and spend your time agreeing financial asset division.
I don''t want to bring up the other issues, more than the only reason I see her countering is to try and overturn the Separation Agreement we already have in place in which case I may need to use them to defend my position. Shared custody and financial arrangements have already been agreed, written by a solicitor and signed under legal advice by both of us independently as part of the separation agreement.
Unfortunately UB statements can upset the respondent, its almost like its apportioning blame - their initial reaction (sometimes) can be ''How Dare they! I''m going to defend the divorce or cross Petition...........'' and then want to list your terrible/unacceptable behaviour etc. etc.
Defending a Divorce - can be a waste of time - the Petitioner will get a divorce in the end.
To Cross-petition - very expensive.
usually in both cases the divorce happens anyway, but it costs more to get there eventually.
Our general advice is that they should state they do not agree with the statements, but they do agree to the divorce.
If you''ve agreed everything else - seems a bit crazy to put a spanner in the works and cause issues with the Petition - If you''re still on speaking terms - why not agree the statements between you, so it doesn''t become a blame game?