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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Divorce- my story so far - need advice plz on UB

  • notanymore
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21 Mar 12 #319299 by notanymore
Topic started by notanymore
Hi folks, I''m back - been a long road to get here and still a long way to go.

My wife and I separated 18months ago, her wish after an affair, I insisted on a Separation Agreement however before being forced out of my family home. It was easiest for me to leave the home and what she wanted. Part of the agreement was shared care, finances etc.

An agreement was agreed by us, drawn up by my sol and agreed with hers, after many changes and ended up costing 5x the quoted guide price. Hey ho. Part of her changes however were for me to divorce her immediately afterwards on the grounds of UB, I presume her solicitor insisted on this as adultery is messy, emotional, costly and may paint a bad light on her - although my advice were unless in extreme occasions the reasons for divorce are usually unlikely to have an effect on it''s outcome.

We had a serious family issue just afterwards and both agreed to hold fire on the divorce (verbally) but she is now pushing and threatening for me to file, which I am therefore doing. I need to state 6 grounds for the sol to use on the Petition and wondered if anyone had any advice / thoughts. I don not want to be contentious or mean, merely truthful. My initial thoughts were as follows:

1. staying out at night without ''permission'' and not telling me where - numerous occasions
2. abandoning the children and I for periods of time up to a couple of days without consent
3. financial irresponsibility - running up huge debts that we then needed to take loans out to cover (cheaper interest) then extending said loans without my knowledge (I found out during disclosure for the Separation Agreement as the figures didnt add up by thousands)
4. Spending more time with her friends and hobbies that with me and the family - her hobby took 4 hrs min every day yet she often extended this to 6-8 hrs then when home spent more time on it helping her friends and acquaintances on there''s.
5. Begrudged me spending time on my hobbies / interests - when we married I gave up my volunteering (sat night+sun day once a week) to assist with the family more - yet even spending a hour or two a few times a week playing computer games online caused huge rows and me to be ignored.

My other concern is that my stbx my counter file, the agreement says not, but she has consistently said she''s not happy with the shared care arrangements (50/50 but variable due to my existing job and shift patterns) - she has now taken a job that has similar patterns to my own (nights) - I have reduced my hours at work as far as I am able to help accommodate but can do little more. There are FAR more serious things that occurred during the marriage breaking down, however I''m a firm believer that our son needs both his parents hence won''t be pursuing anything other than the 50/50 care we already agreed.

If she counter files or contests were do I stand then bringing to the ''table'' the other issues? My thoughts were that I had with held them to be as amicable as possible and not cause undue stress to the family.


thanks for reading my long meander!

  • somuch2know2
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21 Mar 12 #319320 by somuch2know2
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What do you hope to achieve by bringing up the other issues?

My wife also countered and crossed and while she made wild allegation (which were dropped) i didnt care who was Petitioner. I just wanted to move on with as little damage as possible (both financially and emotionally).

If shared custody has been agreed, get it in writing and spend your time agreeing financial asset division.

Its a long painful road.

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21 Mar 12 #319322 by notanymore
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I don''t want to bring up the other issues, more than the only reason I see her countering is to try and overturn the Separation Agreement we already have in place in which case I may need to use them to defend my position. Shared custody and financial arrangements have already been agreed, written by a solicitor and signed under legal advice by both of us independently as part of the separation agreement.

  • dukey
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21 Mar 12 #319327 by dukey
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The basics you need to know.

A divorce ends a marriage nothing else.

Child contact issues are separate to the divorce.

The money side again is separate to the divorce.

Who divorces who and for what reason matters not, the judge just needs to know the marriage has ended.

In a few cases financial misconduct can have some bearing on the settlement but only if assets exceed basic needs, for most there is just not enough money in the pot for this to be the case.

There is no rule about how many reasons you need for UB, domestic violence alone is reason enough.

There are very common threads in divorce applications for UB.

Lack of communication

Lack of intimacy

No longer socialising together

Arguments

Not feeling loved anymore

Ok so all applications are unique but they do tend to have similarity`s.

Its more about how you feel than listing events or actions, very often people don`t want to be specific even when things that could be used have taken place.

  • WhiteRose
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21 Mar 12 #319329 by WhiteRose
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Hi Notanymore,

Unfortunately UB statements can upset the respondent, its almost like its apportioning blame - their initial reaction (sometimes) can be ''How Dare they! I''m going to defend the divorce or cross Petition...........'' and then want to list your terrible/unacceptable behaviour etc. etc.

Defending a Divorce - can be a waste of time - the Petitioner will get a divorce in the end.

To Cross-petition - very expensive.

usually in both cases the divorce happens anyway, but it costs more to get there eventually.

Our general advice is that they should state they do not agree with the statements, but they do agree to the divorce.

If you''ve agreed everything else - seems a bit crazy to put a spanner in the works and cause issues with the Petition - If you''re still on speaking terms - why not agree the statements between you, so it doesn''t become a blame game?

WR

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21 Mar 12 #319339 by notanymore
Reply from notanymore
my stbx agreed on the section 2 b - UB

just wondering what people think to the UB I put above?

  • dukey
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21 Mar 12 #319340 by dukey
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To be honest its poor, i doubt any judge would accept it..

Use the wiki search bar and look for examples of unreasonable behaviour.

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