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Just don''t get it...

  • Dazed
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03 Apr 12 #321420 by Dazed
Topic started by Dazed
So, long story short, ex & I seperated over 3 years ago due to his affair. he now lives in MH with OW & I moved out last autumn after buying my own place.

We have a seperation agreement in place but I still have not received his signed copy (this is after 7 months). The purchase of my house was possible due to ex funding the deposit which became the financial settlement in effect.

I have been trying in vain to put a rocket up his a**e in terms of getting the outstanding matters resolved - namely I want the dovorce & Consent Order sorted. Ex agreed to pay costs & since I will be using wikivorce for this service, we aren''t talking huge amounts of money.

For some reason unknown to me, ex is stalling. He is constantly saying how he hasn''t got any money & when he has he will put the money in my account. He has enough money to service his (substantial) debts, drive around in a 61 plate jag, live in the mh & support ow who doesn''t work. They are due to go on holiday for 3 weeks in June & he''s recently told me he''s going to be away for 3 weeks April to May too. He also isn''t working at the moment but I know he''s doing bits of work in financial services which obviously pays him enough to fund his lifestyle. I hope so anyway - he spends like a man on a million a year.

So, when I question him on the holidays, he states that the flights are paid for by airmiles & the accommodation is free. I know the point about the accommodation is true because we holidayed in the same place for years until we split up & now he takes ow there. However, with the best will in the world, I know he can''t go on holiday for 3 weeks, golfing in the sun without spending any money.

I don''t give a monkeys about him going on holiday - he can do it 52 weeks a year for all I care but I do object to him not sorting things out with me, which he has agreed to, first.

This is all so frustrating - I just want that man out of my life. In addition to pleading poverty over divorce costs, ex still owes me a sum of money which he has promised to pay me back by August (as per sep agreement... which I know isn''t without it''s risks)

Honestly, I am tired of all this now - I want to protect my financial security & don''t want to be tied to him in any way. I am still on the joint mortgage as it is now in negative equity & they won''t release me until he can clear x amount to make the mortgage equal to the property value ...which of course he doesn''t have.

So, I feel utterly stuck. My ex has historically been anally retentive when it comes to organisational skills but for some reason he puts settling all of these issues so low down his list of priorities it''s laughable.

I have tried to reason with him, I have threatened to tell the ow (bear in mind she thinks I am being difficult & holding up the divorce - silly c*w) and I have tried doing nothing. I have emailed him this morning asking politely for an update.

Now I know I could deal with the divorce but honestly, I don''t have the money at the moment & if I put the costs on a card, then I just know he would take his own sweet time in refunding the money to me. I am trying to clear debt, not add to it & I just can''t afford legal costs either.

Actually, I just want the worry of being tied to him financially to stop & I don''t want to be his wife anymore.

I would have thought he would want to settle the past - it means he can get married for the 4th time once we are divorced so I don''t know why he just won''t get on with it!

Part of this post is rant but part is asking for help... what would you guys do in my situation?

He told me at the end of last year if I still wanted the divorce, then he wouldn''t "stand in my way" which is laughable in itself. He left me, then he thought I would wait patiently like a faithful hound whilst he took his own sweet time in deciding which woman he wanted to be with. I (finally) told him no & since I said that, he seems to be punishing me with this ambivalent attitude. Can that be it? his last sliver of control?

Please help - have been awake since 4.30 this morning brooding about everything :-(

Dazed. x

  • cookie2
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03 Apr 12 #321423 by cookie2
Reply from cookie2
Apply to court for Ancillary Relief, it''s the only way to enforce a timescale. If you don''t do that then he can just stall and stall and stall until the cows come home.

  • sillywoman
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03 Apr 12 #321440 by sillywoman
Reply from sillywoman
Cookie is right, just go through the courts.

This man has no reason to hurry things through - it will cost him so he is not gaining anything.

You will have to be the driving force unfortunately.

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