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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

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A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Help and advice desperately needed!!

  • debbienikki
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08 Apr 12 #322494 by debbienikki
Topic started by debbienikki
My husband of 10 years walked out on me and our 4 children last year stating he hated seeing me and the children scared of him, my husband has previously been charged and convicted of domestic abuse for attacking me within our home with the children present.

When he walked out i let him go as tbh he had broken me by this point i could not take the stress worry or fear any longer and knew as a mother it was my duty to protect my children and make sure they grow up in a safe and stable environment. (my husband has never hurt the children) To begin with my husband seemed reasonable enough as i made sure he saw the kids on a nearly every day basis at my expense and also made sure again at my expense that he was ok financially, i even wrote him a letter of support for the council so that he would be rehoused.

Unfortunately it did not last when he realised i was not going to have him back nor was i going to simply keep giving him money he turned very nasty and on a few occasions the police had to be called and he was removed from my home (again my children where present at this time) I allowed my husband regular contact with my children as i genuinely believe that this is what is right for my children, however after dropping the kids off at his house on a Friday lunchtime i returned on Sunday to pick the kids back up as it was my youngest sons birthday the house was cold and dirty and the kids were filthy and starving hungry they had only had 1 jam roll each all day (this was at 4.20pm) my youngest son still wet the bed at the time and his father had let him sleep in the clothes i had sent him in and he had wet the bed however my 5yo son was left in these wet soiled clothes for 2 days without them being cleaned or changed till i arrived on the Sunday all of my kids asked me to take them home which is what i did immediately as soon as the kids were home cleaned changed and fed i contacted social services and explained the entire situation i was advised to stop all contact which reluctantly i did.

After 2 weeks i allowed my husband to speak to the kids via telephone and then also allowed him on a few occasions to meet me with the children and spend some time with them but on a supervised basis. However he continues to let the kids down and now refuses to see them as i wont allow him to have them unless it''s supervised. Since then he has met someone new and things just got even worse!! This girl is a known drug user she is on illegal drugs and also anti depressants and anti anxiety medication(not slagging her off because of her prescribed drugs) she also owns a pitbull x staffie(again not meaning anything bad about this breed of dog) who is aggressive and known not to be good around children.

After knowing her for 4 weeks my husband has let her move in with him and expects her to play a major part of the kids lives, i have asked him to wait till he knows it''s serious etc before the children are introduced to her as this is an upsetting time for them (personally i got with my new partner and my children did not meet her till we had been together for months and even then only as a friend) I am now at my wits end as he wont sign a Separation Agreement or divorce consent he doesn''t speak to the kids or see them despite me travelling the kids on a bus and spending £40 to do so he then cannot even walk down a tiny street to meet us like he agreed.

My lawyer to be honest is next to useless as her opinion so far is to ignore letters from his lawyer demanding visitation on a residential and non residential basis and not to respond to them as his demands are ridiculous (her words not mine) My husband has also handed out my phone number to the sister of his new partner who has then in turn texted me and threatened me and the kids with harm etc which obviously resulted in myself having to contact the police.

My children and I are lost confused and completely at our wits end the kids love their father and i would love them to have a relationship with both of us (I have even suggested counselling or mediation) however i want it to be on a supervised basis right now to make sure my kids are safe. I basically want to pursue divorce now under grounds of unreasonable behaviour (the domestic abuse) and gain a residency order that the kids should remain with myself but have supervised contact with their father. I do not want any financial or other assets i simply want my life back and to not feel afraid for myself or my kids safety.

My new partner is amazing and my kids are troopers but sometimes enough is simply enough. I myself am suffering badly from stress as i cannot sleep or eat properly and i''m afraid this whole situation is just to much to bear. I know i sound melodramatic but life is really tough right now and i''m finding even the simplest thing like getting my lawyer to do anything is extremely difficult. I would appreciate any and all advise given legal or otherwise or just to hear from others who are going through the same type of thing. Many thanks Debbie

  • Fiona
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  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
09 Apr 12 #322534 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
If safety is an issue the way to deal with it is injunctions etc. You aren''t making any financial claims and contact has broken down so it is probably less complicated and less expensive to leave the ball in your husband''s court.

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