Oh dear, would have been married 29 years in a couple of weeks. But I found him out and am now, somehow, a middle-aged woman with nothing ahead of me. Weekends are the worst, can''t go out as EVERYONE I see seems to be happy and in a relationship. How do I stop looking at every car that passes me by and only noticing the couples or families together? If I go shopping or out in the evening everyone appears to be holding hands or at least with someone. (even the ugly ones)! Best to stay at home? Well at least the garden gets looked after, can''t see anyone from there!
We are instigating divorce proceedings and ex is off to St Lucia next week with his floozie - all I ever wanted was to travel a bit once the kids were all grown up - he is living my dream, only with someone else. We did the hard bit, bringing up and creating a "happy family".......now what happens?
I know just how you feel, when my x left all I could see we''re happy couples wherever I turned. I think that you (subconsciously) are looking out fro them in a way as a punishment to yourself (at least I was) not that it was my fault for the dv, he left, he (appeared - never had cast iron proof) another, & yet I think we blame ourselves for not being like the happy couples we see.
However, think about it when you were together we''re you one of those happy couples? We certainly weren''t!
It takes a lot of soul serching & "finding yourself" to be able to come to terms with things, (at least it did for me), try some of relates books on divorce & some of the pieces written on here.
I know what you mean about seeing the ''happy couples'' - it was the elderly ones that used to really get me. The sudden realisation that STBX and me were not going to grow old together and look after each other, and, given that I am mid fifties, I''m not expecting to meet anyone else.
I had a strange experience today in a coffee bar at Euston Station - a couple older than me holding hands over the table and all gooey-eyed. I just couldn''t get it out of my head that they must have been having an affair as their behaviour seemed so unnatural. She was wearing a wedding and engagement ring but I just don''t remember seeing married couples behaving that way. I really felt like giving her the Wiki web address and saying she''d be needing it soon! I just felt so angry at the devastation that the pair of them are going to create.
Don''t hide away - there will be another life out there for you.
Interesting. There was an article in the Mail yesterday about people divorcing in their 50''s and 60''s. The journalist said she personally knew of one man who, having been married 40 years ''connected,'' via Friends Reunited, with a woman he had dated as a teenager. He suddenly announced to his wife that he was leaving and setting up home with this new woman in New Zealand!
Wonder if that''s going anywhere..
Its not how you will feel at the moment, but this is maybe not the person you needed to be with when your kids had gone and you then had to time to explore.
You wont just now, but think of it as your escape, and chance for a new beginning.
In a couple of years you will be involved with someone who you think maybe fit the bill better and your garden will be in a right mess.. :o)