Ex digging heels in. What next?

I have told my husband of my intent to Petition divorce on the grounds of his drinking and the fact it is intolerable to continue being married. Despite him knowing categorically this is the truth (he has a olice record proving it!) he has told me point blank he''ll deny it and counter Petition.

There are a further 2 reasons I wish to divorce but do not want to mention them in the petition as I''m terrified they''ll become public and my children will suffer as a result. He knows this.

I have several friends and family (including my elder children - adult age) that would write statements categorically stating what a dire drink problem he had / has.

I genuinely don''t want this to get messy but cannot comprehend why he would want to make this more difficult than it need be, especially as I know deep down he wouldn''t want other issues being brought into the equation.

Any advice as to how I get him to see reason? He genuinely doesn''t have a leg to stand on and just seems to want to shoot himself in the foot. He thinks if he''s difficult enough I''ll just put up and shut up and we''ll just bimble on again.

I need to put the wheels into motion. I need to leave this man for mine and the childrens sake.

The reasons for divorce are not public - nothing in the divorce is public, in fact. Only you, your respective lawyers and the judge will ever see the Petition.

That said, it''s better if you can avoid him contesting the divorce as it will cost both of you more money if he does.

Frankly, I would start by petitioning on the basis of his drinking. That would get you a Decree Nisi, which is what you want. He may then contest, but if he sees a solicitor first he will be encouraged not to, particularly if you cite his police record in the petition.

Best wishes,
Sadie

how_did_I_get_here wrote:

he has told me point blank he''ll deny it and counter Petition.

It may sound cliche but "they all say that". In reality it''s all just him trying to maintain control and manipulate/intimidate you. Very few actually go through with it. Defending a divorce is a complete waste of time and money. He will no doubt need to see a solicitor if he wants to have any chance of success whatsoever, and any solicitor will tell him not to bother because it''s a waste of time and money.

You should tell him to go take a hike and file your Petition anyway.

I have several friends and family (including my elder children - adult age) that would write statements categorically stating what a dire drink problem he had / has.

Don''t bother. There''s no need to drag anyone else into this. You want to divorce your husband, that is all that matters. It doesn''t matter what other people think.

Any advice as to how I get him to see reason?

You don''t need to get him to see reason. You only need to get a divorce. You can do that without his permission or cooperation. File for unreasonable behaviour and do it sooner rather than later.

Using that age old adage "there''s no time like the present" I sought advice today and set the wheels in motion. I''m absolutely dreading telling hubby as I know he''ll go mad. Decided best to do it in the morning in case a quick exit needs to be made! I blubbed my way through the first 10 minutes of the interview but then found a voice I''d forgotten I had!

The solicitor was kind and calm. She urged me to make sure beyond any doubt my marriage was over and asked would I consider Relate / counselling. So not the vulture I may have been expecting. She explained things in simple terms I could understand and was very informative.

Came home feeling physically sick. Can''t eat and feel constantly tearful. That said the 4 children were amazing tonight. Came and rallied round me and showered me with love and affection and there was laughter in our house again. The children and I will be ok. We will survive because we have each other. Feeling strangely calm now but that could all change in the morning when I tell chappy what I have done. I figure it better to give him advance warning than him receive the bomber when the letter arrives.

As ever thankyou for listening to my ramblings.