whats a fair divorce settlement

So this is the issue.STBX and me can''t seem to agree on settlement.We are trying to sort things without solicitors.

So we''ve been married approx 12 years of which 5 we''ve been seperated.I had to give up work when we seperated and at present live in the marriatal home with our 2 children 12(who is also disabled)and 8.So I am also the carer of my disabled child.

House is in my sole name although I know that doesn''t make a difference due to length of marriage.When we met I also helped STBX pay off -ve equity on his home.Approx 14,000 which at the time was aprrox 50% of the value of his property.Although I''m not sure I have any proof of this and if I did would this make a difference.

Now STBX is working full time earning approx 35k totally self employed but does it as a limited company.The company is in his sole name.There are no outgoings.He pays himself minimum wage.So I only get 5 pound a week csa.

We both have pensions.Not that we are interested in each others pensions but I have tried to explain to him that because I had to give up employment to look after children then there is the fact that I have lost years of accumulating more for myself in a pension and that should be taken into account.

Now originally STBX said he would let me have the house.The house is a band A council tax approx worth 100k.I brought it for 29k.So anyway this would mean I would owe him nothing.I would have been happy with this.

Anyway now he''s changed his mind saying he wants something.But he won''t suggest a sum.I then offered him 10%.How I would get this I don''t know but I offered this anyway.He just laughed at me.I then asked him go away and put foreward a suggestion.He hasn''t and keeps throwing it back to me,asking me to suggest more.

So what should I do?Really didn''t want to involve solicitors as I was hoping things could be amicable.

Any suggestions of way to move foreward.I am also wondering if this is a stalling tactic(think maybe he doesn''t want divorce).

One thing to note although I am the main carer of my disabled child,this will stop when she reaches 18.So I will be able to return to work then.of course that would give me only 4 years until my youngest reaches 18 to raise any money.

What would you say is fair?

Oh forgot to say he also is living in a rented council house so has no housing issues and of course its low rent.So has minimal outgoings.

Do not make him any more offers, especially ones you can''t afford!

Would your disabled child be able to work and support herself when she is 18? If not then she will still be dependent.

When did you get Decree Absolute? On what date?

Is the house in your sole name?

Do you have any other shared property?

Have formal Ancillary Relief proceedings been initiated?

Myisabled child will be able to get work and support herself.Her disablility is physical not mental.So she will be able to flee the nest so to speak.

We are not yet divorced.This is only talk at the moment.But I do definately want a divorce.Was just hoping not to use solicitors too much because I won''t be able to get legal aid as the property is seen as an asset.

Property is in my sole name.originally got the mortgage prior to meeting husband.Then when we got married mortgae cameout of joint account.Mortgage now is paid off.Was paid off just before our split.

We don''t have any other shared property.

Also I believe he must have alot of savings in this limited company because as previously said he pays himself minimum wage and rest sits in limited company which is soley in his name and he is the only shareholder with no outgoings/expenses from the company.This way he pays minimum csa.

I know he ha shares as well.I dn''t know what the value is tho.

If you''re happy to forego spousal maintenance (without which you''ve been living for 5 years), then I would suggest that you make him this offer. You will drop your SM claim and pension sharing claim if he drops his claim on the house. If he does not agree then tell him you will be applying to court for Ancillary Relief, at which he will have to disclose all of his company''s assets, income, accounts, bank statements etc. His claim on your house would be very minimal anyway. I think he would be very foolish to refuse your offer.

Would I be entitled to spousal maintanance?

You see the reason I ask is before our split.He was the say at home parent and I worked but he became abusive towards me and I legally got him out of house.

Then I had to give up work and he got a well paid job.So I didn''t think I''d be entitled.

"Entitled" is not really a word that is relevant in this situation, or in fact in any divorce situation. The only thing that is relevant is the figures, and what decision a court would make. The court do not care what happened in the past, all they see is that the ex wife has no income but the husband has £40k income.

A court may make an SM ruling in these circumstances, but you would have to show them that you need it. You seem to have managed without it for 5 years which severely weakens your case. I think if you had made a claim earlier then you would have almost certainly got SM, but now, I am not so sure... you may or you may not. On the bright side that 5 years also weakens his claim against your house.

However you can still use foregoing SM as a bargaining chip. I think if it went to court, you would certainly be awarded the house outright. So really he has nothing to gain and everything to lose by not accepting this offer. If I were in his situation then I would bite your hand off!