telling children one by one

just told one out of five so far because she was curious and already discussing with friends the state of our marriage. she now wants to speak to a counsellor but has said she wont talk to her siblings.....any views

Hi,
Welcome to wiki, sorry you find yourself here.
Well its not something that will be a secret for long....
It depends on the ages of the children etc. if you are going to tell them all one by one that''s a hell of a task with 5, and the younger they are the less chance they will keep a secret.
Since you have already told one and presumably disucssed the situation at some length, it would probably be best to tell the others together with her there too.

LB

I agree with LB. They''re going to be upset but perhaps they''ll find comfort in being together. They''re going to be their own support system in the coming months so hearing the same explanation may help them feel less alone.

I feel for you having to deal with this so welcome to wiki where YOU will get support and help.

The question is when do i need to tell them. Why deliver bad/sad news before it is needed. children 6 - 17 12 yr old knows.

I think that with one child already knowing, its going to come out out sooner rather than later - its a huge burden to place on a 12yo to confide such devastating news and expect them to not tell any of their siblings. As Mitchum has said, they will be each other''s support for the time ahead.

Imagine how the other children will feel when they discover that one of them already knew but couldn''t tell the others?

Its not easy telling children , I do understand that, but they do need to be told, and preferably all together than than one by one.

i dont understand why they should all be told together

Because they will need each other for comfort and support, and to be able to talk about their parents divorcing.

When children are told that thier parents are separating, they have a multitude of questions, if you tell them one by one, you will have to answer those questions again and again - at least by telling them together, you can explain everything to them at the same time and in the same way.

If you do tell them one by one, how do you propose to do this? Over a period of weeks/days or take them into a room one by room? I really do think its better for the children to be told all together, for the reasons I have stated above. (and I''ve done this twice, so had a bit of experience )