A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


telling children one by one

  • glasper
  • glasper's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
25 Apr 12 #326481 by glasper
Topic started by glasper
just told one out of five so far because she was curious and already discussing with friends the state of our marriage. she now wants to speak to a counsellor but has said she wont talk to her siblings.....any views

  • Lostboy67
  • Lostboy67's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
25 Apr 12 #326523 by Lostboy67
Reply from Lostboy67
Hi,
Welcome to wiki, sorry you find yourself here.
Well its not something that will be a secret for long....
It depends on the ages of the children etc. if you are going to tell them all one by one that''s a hell of a task with 5, and the younger they are the less chance they will keep a secret.
Since you have already told one and presumably disucssed the situation at some length, it would probably be best to tell the others together with her there too.

LB

  • Mitchum
  • Mitchum's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
25 Apr 12 #326535 by Mitchum
Reply from Mitchum
I agree with LB. They''re going to be upset but perhaps they''ll find comfort in being together. They''re going to be their own support system in the coming months so hearing the same explanation may help them feel less alone.

I feel for you having to deal with this so welcome to wiki where YOU will get support and help.

  • glasper
  • glasper's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
25 Apr 12 #326538 by glasper
Reply from glasper
The question is when do i need to tell them. Why deliver bad/sad news before it is needed. children 6 - 17 12 yr old knows.

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
25 Apr 12 #326540 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
I think that with one child already knowing, its going to come out out sooner rather than later - its a huge burden to place on a 12yo to confide such devastating news and expect them to not tell any of their siblings. As Mitchum has said, they will be each other''s support for the time ahead.

Imagine how the other children will feel when they discover that one of them already knew but couldn''t tell the others?

Its not easy telling children , I do understand that, but they do need to be told, and preferably all together than than one by one.

  • glasper
  • glasper's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
25 Apr 12 #326543 by glasper
Reply from glasper
i dont understand why they should all be told together

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
25 Apr 12 #326545 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
Because they will need each other for comfort and support, and to be able to talk about their parents divorcing.

When children are told that thier parents are separating, they have a multitude of questions, if you tell them one by one, you will have to answer those questions again and again - at least by telling them together, you can explain everything to them at the same time and in the same way.

If you do tell them one by one, how do you propose to do this? Over a period of weeks/days or take them into a room one by room? I really do think its better for the children to be told all together, for the reasons I have stated above. (and I''ve done this twice, so had a bit of experience ;))

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11