This weekend was the kids'' weekend with the stbx. As agreed he was to have them at his parents'' house with an Aunt and Uncle there to support him as the parents are away. Stbx did not collect or drop the children off (he cannot drive). He dropped them off early today so he could watch the football and go out even though he knew I would not be home until later today and he had to organise for the nanny to be here.
My issues are:
1. Whenever he does see the children he buys them extravagent gifts and spoils them (they now expect new things from people all the time).
2. Against the wishes of his mother and me -he took his "bint" down and pretended that she was someone else. My son told me she helped bath them and that she drove Daddy home!
We are no where near divorced yet and he seems to think that it is acceptable to introduce a new partner already albeit under the guise of just being a friend of the Aunty.
I have lost faith in the Aunt and Uncle now -with whom I did have a super relationship.
Should I tell his parents -I would simply say that I am not happy that they had the ow stay at their home even though they know we are not divorced.
My stbx seems to be leading a double life -on the one hand telling his parents that he wants to come home "under the right circumstances" and then doing things like this.
I don''t feel that I can trust him at all. Do I have any rights in this? I want the kids to see their dad I just feel it''s too much to introduce new people even under pretence. It makes our negotiations far harder.
Well, you don''t have much say unfortunatly what he does in his time with them is up to him, that doesn''t make it right, its just how it is.
I wouldn''t discuss this with his parents, they appear to be your allies but if you start throwing this around then they will have to make a choice between you and them, and blood being thicker than water and all that. His disception of them is really nothing to do with you. But you will find that the kind of secret he is keeping won''t stay that way for long, particularly when there are young children involved, they are real stool pigeons.
You can''t trust him but that was no revelation really.
Yeah Im afraid Im with LB on this - his family will say all sorts of supportive things to you because (a) they think they mean it when they say it (b) they are hoping you will both get back to gether again (c) kids live with you and if they piss you off you may not let them see/speak to them as much as they would like. In reality though he''s their flesh and blood and they will not be able to choose you over him. Its how it is usually. Some parents cant face doing the parenting alone and will always ''recruit'' support even for the weekend. Whilst it might drive you nutz it has little implications on the negotiations you have to manage to affect a divorce. You wont get any backing from a court on this issue Im afraid so the best you can do is take advice from the many others on here who have found themselves in a similar situation and found a way to make it work. Soz I cant offer better
It''s a case of the lesser of the evils. Introducing new partners is a potential minefield that can be the catalyst for years of high conflict between separated parents. That is far more detrimental to the emotional well being of children. So you need to be the bigger person and deal with the issue on your own (using a counsellor if necessary) and not use the children and contact as a weapon against their other parent.
As for gifts and spoiling try googling "Disney Dads."