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Leaving but don''t want to be "the bad one"

  • Try, try again but failin
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06 May 12 #328831 by Try, try again but failin
Topic started by Try, try again but failin
Has anyone here left their other half after years and years of trying to keep a marriage going and getting no-where?

I have read many posts of people who were totally unaware that the marriage was ending until their partner hit them with it(mainly due to adultary) but my situation is that of being in a relationship that we both know is defunct but my other half would be content enough to plod on.

When I mention divorce he agrees but then goes on to say he will be sad and still cares for me (I feel the same). Then nothing happens or he tries to be a bit more attentive for a few days.

We have tried to make a go of things many many times but nothing gets any better and my partner goes back to the life HE wants i.e. sitting drinking all night in front of the tv or on the computer.

He comes from a family that doesn''t talk or discuss problems much, it''s just not the done thing and anytime I try to discuss things it is me doing all the talking and him saying things will get better (then they don''t).

I have got fed up trying and just want out now to leave him to his tv/computer and beer. Then I get the "sad Sam" behaviour again....and so it goes on.

Anyone else had this situation... I feel like the "bad one" but just cannot go on anymore.

  • mumtoboys
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07 May 12 #328848 by mumtoboys
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assuming there is no one else involved and you are saying you both still care for each other and have attempted to work things out, have you been to counselling either on your own or with your husband? I think we would all tell you divorce should be a last resort so if there is anything you can do, do it! More than anything, you will know you tried. At the same time, counselling together can help you both come to terms with the end of the relationship and help you move on - if you can do that without the nastiness that most of us experience, that would be an amazing thing in itself. Good luck with it all. xxx

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07 May 12 #328904 by Try, try again but failin
Reply from Try, try again but failin
Thx Mumtoboys

I have suggested councelling together but he won''t go. His attitude is that he doesn''t want some strange nosey-parker in his business.

I guess it would be better just to go myself.

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07 May 12 #328916 by mumtoboys
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then go yourself as you have nothing at all to lose, have you? It''s your life and you need to make the best of it and work out what''s best for you. If he won''t participate with that then he won''t participate. Unfortunately, the realisation often comes too late for many of us and a decision to split has been made and taken out of our hands - it takes two to make a marriage work and you can''t do that one your own. Good luck!

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07 May 12 #328931 by Try, try again but failin
Reply from Try, try again but failin
Very succinct...I can''t do that on my own.

Thats what I have been trying to do...no help from oh.

I have contacted a counselling service via email for appointment today. First step.

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07 May 12 #328965 by Agatha22
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I was in exactly your situation 2 years ago. I left, I''ve not looked back in regret at all, even though he played the emotional blackmail card!

Personally, I didn''t want to still be there in 10 years time and wonder ''what if I had left''. I knew that things would not change staying there as he didn''t accept that anything was wrong.

Good luck!

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07 May 12 #328985 by happyagain
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My husband left his first marriage for the same reason. They had split up previously for nearly a year, got back together ''for the sake of the children'' and attended counselling. It simply wasn''t enough.
I believe that somethings just don''t go together, like pasta and chocolate - great on their own but not so good together!!
Don''t throw your life away, you only get one shot at it.

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