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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Has your ex re-written history?

  • Shoegirl
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12 May 12 #330187 by Shoegirl
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Cookie I feel very strongly about accepting responsibility for my part in my marriage breakdown. I believe I have articulated that already. Working out what we are and are not responsible for is one of the biggest challenges we face as humans I think.


But there is a huge difference between different perceptions of the same events and people who tell bare faced lies. I believe we are discussing on this post people who project blame on to their partner and do so without foundation.

I''m clear on what my responsibility was in my own marriage breakdown. But nothing I did repeat nothing meant I deserved being lied to or cheated on or indeed demonised at the end of my marriage. That does not mean that I did not contribute to the demise of my own marriage, of course I did. But I dont see this as innocence or guilt I see this as limitations we all have going into relationships to one degree or another. But nothing I did drove him to do anything no matter what he says. He is responsible for his own actions and I don''t accept that projected blame.

What I do accept is my own role in ending up in the relationship I did with a man like him. That''s the lesson I have taken from this and it''s one I''ve learnt well.

  • redwine47
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12 May 12 #330197 by redwine47
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I can''t believe how much our history''s differ. It would take to long to go through 23 yrs but just reading his form E affidavit which he forwarded to court absolutely shocked me.

Lies, lies and more lies. Quite shocking, but it does confirm one thing though .. I was so right in getting rid of him and words cannot express my relief in being released from this farcical marriage .

Just got to find a way to get the truth heard now!
:huh:

  • Lostboy67
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12 May 12 #330200 by Lostboy67
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Well to quote Churchill "History will be kind to me, I intend to write it"

LB

  • lozzsa21
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12 May 12 #330216 by lozzsa21
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Absolutely. Even though I read some disgustingly explicit texts and emails between my ex and several women, I was told he never did anything physical. " it was all talk" apparently, even though they spoke of what they had done!! He then got straight into another relationship, denied it when the kids figured it out straight away, continued to sob and beg me to take him back. Eventually February he asked me back for the last time, then one week later told me he was seeing someone and it was early days, then proceeded to move in with her 2 weeks later.

His whole family are telling people I ended it cos I fell out of love and they all seem to believe it! Even though I told them what he''d been up to.

Some people cannot face up to their responsibilities and one thing this has taught me is to ensure my kids know right from wrong. I will never accept them treating someone like that and would absolutely tell them when they''re in the wrong.

I cannot believe I''ve been such a fool for so long and believed his disgusting lies, but I will make sure I never make that mistake again.

I absolutely know marriage breakdowns are normally the fault of both, but I know I was asking him to work at it, suggesting relate and trying to sort things when I knew we had a communication problem. He decided to say no, bury his head in the sand and go around texting and doing god knows what else with other women. I can hold my head high, I believed in my vows and was willing to work at my marriage. He can''t, and wasn''t.

  • julesgy
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13 May 12 #330232 by julesgy
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I cannot believe I''ve been such a fool for so long and believed his disgusting lies, but I will make sure I never make that mistake again.

I absolutely know marriage breakdowns are normally the fault of both, but I know I was asking him to work at it, suggesting relate and trying to sort things when I knew we had a communication problem. He decided to say no, bury his head in the sand and go around texting and doing god knows what else with other women. I can hold my head high, I believed in my vows and was willing to work at my marriage. He can''t, and wasn''t.

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lozzsa21 all i can say is that you could have written that for me !! our communication problem was he wouldnt admit to what he was doing i asked and he started a row and then walked out of the hours for a few hours and came back and ended up making me feel guilty for questioning his suspiscious behaviour !!!

  • Shi Tong
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14 May 12 #330448 by Shi Tong
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I have to say I can relate to this too.

When my stbx and I went to a relationship counselor, she asked us both why we were there. I replied that I was there to try to salvage it. She replied that she was leaving. Completely unilaterally.

Now she says that we have an agreement that she would leave and uses some uncomfortable jargon language to hide what actually happened.

She''s now trying to do the same with what happened with the kids.

We agreed to sharing care originally, but it became a farce. I was doing 90% of everything, and faced a lot of problems attempting to communicate with my ex because she would shout and scream abuse at me and the kids.

Now she says she always wanted to look after them half of the time (even though even the original agreement wasn''t even half of the time anyway), and it''s really not worked because she''s not sensitive to the kid''s needs to stay at home or the fact she basically ran away.

The councilor said to my ex that she was projecting all of her own bad personality traits onto me, but my ex didn''t want to hear that, since she''d made her mind up.

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