FOS can totally relate to the henchman comment, mine rallied the troops.
He had his own committee of supporters who I dubbed "divorce war command" My Stbx was not amused that I was rude about his supporters like that. He thought it entirely normal that these people should know that my marriage was ending before i did and that they were sending letters texts and cards of support to stbx, equivalent sentiments and variations of "go on my son get rid" when he had just told me he was off for good.
Of course the war command did not have the full picture. When I told Stbx father he was having another affair I was told it was "normal" to have female "friends" when someone was so deeply unhappy. It was also suggested it was my fault for finding the evidence. I should not have looked for it! Ah that''s all that neatly explained then!
I stopped engaging with anyone associated with my Stbx supporters after that ridiculous conversation.
So you have my deepest sympathies FOS. I know what the whole henchman business is like. Thankfully, divorce war command has dissipated in recent times, I wish the same for you. I think they all got fed up with Stbx in the the end.
Shoegirl is spot on. I think there is a Miss Marple story in which she observes that women keep marrying the same person. For me the important thing is not the way my stbx re-wrote history so that he could scapegoat me and excuse his actions it''s understanding
My ex told me that it was my fault that he went off with OW and if I had left him alone when I found out then it would all have eventually blown over!!!
No mention of the fact that he put my health at risk by sleeping with her(s***s.r.us.)- I obviously made them take off their clothes through my devious mind control!
Actually I think it''s pretty sad that he has the morals and mind-set of a weevil-he even berated my ma-in-law for "taking my side" and refuses to acknowledge that his subsequent behaviour of lying about his assets and paying minimal amounts for his daughter had anything to do with her decision to morally support me and my daughter.
He has truly lost the plot!
I find it all so difficult with the henchmen thing, because of the job that he does, its catch phrase being ''dignity and respect'' he has shown absolutely none of the above in relation to his personal affairs, hence the need to join the front line and shout from the highest hills! His troops, his army of soldiers, do his bidding, because he represents them on a daily basis, willing to act in their defence should they step out of line in the job front. They need him so much, that if he shouts "jump", they will retort "how high"? One day his coat of many colours will simply fade away, when they realise that the Sheriffs who have awarded me 4 interdicts against him, one includes a power of arrest, can not all be wrong? Are these men or sheep that he has behind him?
teecher, I too was, after the event, told by my once ex-bff, that should I have ''turned a blind eye'' he may have grown out of it and it would have fizzled out! Mmmmm, some may have the weakness needed to be able to let that happen, but no not me, I have far too much respect for both my children to be so weak and pathetic. I am nobody''s doormat, not when they are getting their goodies elsewhere!
I agree, there will be no Wiki on here who would say that they were perfect or that they may have not played a part in a their own relationship breakdown. What I think jjones123 was trying to establish was that when does the fiction take over from the truth. This is especially important to those of us whom have been abandoned or should I say dumped.
No relationship is 100% perfect, I would take it we would all agree to that, and for those who have been ceremoniously sh!t on from a great height, we are the ones left to listen to all the rumour mills and the gossips. What I think this thread is trying to work out is that in each relationship there is always a dramatisation of the actual facts in order to justify for e.g. the adulterer''s actions, i.e. running off with the milkman or au-pair! I think the whole point is what happens to honesty or someone having the balls to openly admit they are not happy, before embarking on an affair? Whilst not coming clean, they take the opportunity to scapegoat and project the blame on to the innocent of parties (regardless of how good, bad or indifferent the marriage has been), in order to ride off into the sunset, without a care in the world and having no concern for the fallout and devastation that is left behind! No I do not think that neither party is 100% innocent in the day to day humdrum of married life, but it takes one kind of individual to betray the other. That is something that so many of us here, coming to terms with the after effects of adultery, are glad we do not have that cross to bear!