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Abuse and neglect.

  • Shi Tong
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21 May 12 #331947 by Shi Tong
Topic started by Shi Tong
Hello...

I''m really struggling now with my ex''s behaviour.

She recently sent me a Petition for residence of the kids and/ or contact because she wants defined contact or residence.

I sent a cross application to court.

She accused me of mentally abusing the children by restricting access.

My cross application stated that she has threatened to remove them from the country and from school without my permission, she''s done that by stealing the passports. Not only that but I know that when the children go to her house they''re neglected, stuff for which I have diary entries for for the last nigh on 2 years.

Now she''s received those papers, she, once again has sent me a really irate and horrible text stating that I''m a joke, I have no evidence and that she knew I''d have to lie in court.

What am I supposed to do about this?

Is there ANYTHING I can do about this, and does anyone care?

  • Fiona
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21 May 12 #331957 by Fiona
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IT isn''t at all unusual for the courts to hear allegations and counter allegations of abuse, neglect or parental alienation. Without independent evidence from professionals involved with the children (eg teachers or social workers) that the children aren''t surviving satisfactorily a judge will have difficulty choosing between two versions of the same story.

The courts are interested in finding solutions that work best for children. What children really need is at least one parent to forgo the determination of "who is right and who is wrong" and put their interests first. So you need to avoid focusing on the issue between parents and demonstrate the positives of the children living with you eg continuity of care and education

Both parents have equal PR and she has much right to keep the passport as you. When there is a dispute either parent may ask the court to make an order to regulate PR. For example the passport can be held by a solicitor and released to the parents when required for a holiday or to book one.

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21 May 12 #332017 by Shi Tong
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Hello Fiona,

Well, the kids are happier staying at home with me, in the FMH, and always have been. They''re constantly requesting that they remain at home, and particularly after police involved incidents they request to not see her at all.

As a parent I believe it''s important that they maintain a relationship between themselves and their mother.

On the other hand, when the police get involved in an incident and the children still have memories and mental scars from her displayed behaviour, I feel that it''s very difficult to judge between what is best for them in terms of maintaining a relationship and being protected from the unpredictable element of problematic relationships and abuse.

Since I seem to be the parent with primary care; (since they sleep at my house much more than hers, I live in the family home, and I do nearly all of the organising for their homework/ payments for pretty much everything), I feel that they are better of living with me, and that is what I''ll be focusing on in court.

But when I get a flurry of 5 texts which include abusive language in reply to 1 simple text, or I get the abuse I''ve suffered, I wonder what the point is in doing things like keeping a diary?

The neglect/ abandonment/ abuse I and the children have suffered is obvious to everyone, but I feel in terms of legal things, I''m isolated- she can simply say "her version" and it annuls my own, even if what was done was (in anyone''s book) markedly problematic.

She can tell me that she''s leaving the country one day for a "holiday", tell me I''m lucky that she hasn''t taken the children away to a foreign country, then remove the passports, which is what she did one day, and the kids were not with me at the time.

So, in other words, to answer my own question; nobody really cares, and she can do what she likes, provided she says that she didn''t do what she actually did do.

Thanks though.

  • Emma8485
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21 May 12 #332031 by Emma8485
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I suggest keeping the texts, dont answer them though, unless they are reasonable such as "What time are the kids coming over" etc.

Then wait for your court date - how far away is it? This will be an opportunity for both of you to try and decide whats going to happen, and if you cant then the judge will set out the timeline as to what information he needs to make a decision.

I would imagine in your case this will involve checks with police, and Cafcass based on the history in the case, and then they may or may not speak to your children.

We were worried bout that element, but the officer spent three hours with my partners daughter and they have exercises that they do with them to ensure they get their real feelings.

I''d raise the concern about the passports, but without a residence order neither of you can take them abroad without the others permission anyway.

take care

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21 May 12 #332042 by Shi Tong
Reply from Shi Tong
Hello Emma...

Thanks for your advice, I hope I can land somehow in some safe hands where I won''t feel threatened any more.

I''ve kept the texts, and I have diaries. I even have a text from her stating that she''s kept the text for my evidence purposes. I don''t understand what on earth would possess someone to behave in this way.

I do reply to the sensible texts, and I try to explain things in a straightforward manner.

The first hearing is on the 6th of June, so not long now.

I''m really scared that I''ll be so pressurised and cajoled by her solicitor that I''ll agree to something that I will feel I have to because I don''t know my rights, or the kids rights, when I know what''s right in my heart, or I''ll give ground where I shouldn''t, knowing that my kids will then go through difficulties because of it, so I guess I have to stick to my hymn sheet of sticking to routine, sticking to the agreement we originally made, and explaining how that''s fine by me and I''m sure it''s fine by the kids- but the abuse has got to stop!

Interesting what you say about neither of us can take them abroad without a residence order.. according to her I was lucky from the start she didn''t just take them away permanently to another country. According to her now, she never said that and would never do such a thing, which makes me a "liar" apparently.

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