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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


About to petition divorce, absolutely overwhelmed!

  • jslgb
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22 May 12 #332202 by jslgb
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Hi,
I''m brand new to this but looking for advice! My stbxh have been separated for 18 months and have a 5 year old daughter. Stbxh had an affair with my childs nursery nurse who was also a friend 6 short months after we got married and she attended the wedding. He left me 2 days after christmas and moved straight in with her. Obviously it has taken some time to try and adapt to this new situation and although i feel i have done quite well, i am still struggling a bit to accept the divorce. I have an appointment tomorrow to discuss proceedings with my solicitor but i just wanted some advice before i get there! I am petitioning the divorce on the grounds of stbxh''s adultery. He has never mentioned divorce before now or sought a solicitor for ongoing disagreements regarding contact. In fact, he has stated before now he wont get a solicitor and should we end up in court he will do it all himself. I have had a solicitor since the split and as i''m a full time student i get full legal aid.
My concerns centre around costs and arrangements for the child. He has expressed on several occasions he wants my child to stay overnight with him which i wont allow. I have various valid reasons that my solicitor has acknowledged and advised upon and the police have previously been involved also.
I guess i just want some reassurance too. I''m only 26 and was with my stbxh from aged 18 and i feel like a complete failure!! All my friends and family are pushing for the divorce and i know its the right thing to do but there a niggling doubt which i think is down to being ashamed my marriage only lasted 8 months.
Like i said, i''m just overwhelmed!!

  • Crumpled
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22 May 12 #332204 by Crumpled
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Hi I am so sorry about what has happened but you will get lots of support and advice from this site.
It is so hard when someone you loved and trusted treats you like this especially as you have been together for a long time and have a child.
Please please do not see yourself as a failure he is the one that cheated especially with a friend they have the problem not you.
Be brave

  • cookie2
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22 May 12 #332207 by cookie2
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jslgb wrote:

I am petitioning the divorce on the grounds of stbxh''s adultery.

I would advise you not to do this unless you know he will admit it on the Petition. If there is any doubt that he might object then your Petition will fail. You should use unreasonable behaviour instead.

I have had a solicitor since the split and as i''m a full time student i get full legal aid.

What has that solicitor been doing for 18 months?!

there a niggling doubt which i think is down to being ashamed my marriage only lasted 8 months.

Mine only lasted 9 months. There are plenty of us on here with similarly short marriages. Why are you ashamed? He is the one who couldn''t keep his knob in his pants. He is the one who should feel ashamed (although cheaters never do!!!).

You cannot control other people''s actions but you can control your own. You need to take control of your life and get divorced from this piece of crap excuse for a man.

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22 May 12 #332211 by jslgb
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My solicitor has been trying to persuade me to divorce but i havent felt ready up until now. In the meantime he''s been dealing with the ongoing issues surrounding contact.

With regards for Adultery grounds, i never thought of it like that. To be honest i doubt he would contest it at all. His first divorce was on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour in which his ex stated adultery and he agreed even though he hadn''t committed adultery.

I know it probably sounds silly and irrelevant but i kind of want that admission acknowledged. But i''ll see what my solicitor advises and go with whatever he suggests.

Thanks for your replies.

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