A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Making a decision!

  • jslgb
  • jslgb's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
23 May 12 #332401 by jslgb
Topic started by jslgb
Well in just 2 short hours i have an appointment with my solicitor with a view to beginning divorce proceedings.

Its been 18 months since my stbxh left for someone close to my daughter after a 2 month affair. At the time we had been together 7 years but married only 8 short months.

I know he isnt coming back and i dont even want him too but the idea of a divorce makes everything so final. We were together since i was 18 and now i feel like such a failure for being divorced at 26. All my friends are getting married and settling down and i''m on the other side of that now, been there, done that, whats left?

I''m pretty sure this is what i want. If nothing else i want a residence order for my daughter and there seems no point in remaining married to this man who has become such an awful nasty person. I read everyone elses posts and feel quite far removed from my marriage. We have no shared assets or finances so other than child arrangements it should be a fairly easy process. Everyone thinks i am doing the right thing, and in my heart i know i am, but why is it so difficult and why does it still hurt?

Sorry for the self pitying post. I imagine i''m not the first to go through this, just feel like everyone close to me thinks its all ok and i anticipate i''ll be in floods of tears after this afternoons appointment!!

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
23 May 12 #332411 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi jslgb. If its over its over. There is no point in being tied to a man that is living with someone else. You perhaps wont feel any better until the divorce is done. Then the recovery can start. Yes you are doing the right thing.

Many pour their hearts out to solicitors. But dont. That is not their job. Their job is to extract you as quickly and easily as possible. You have a limited time with a solictor so it pays to write down what you want to ask and just run thru the list.

A solicitor is a paid for service and you sitting there crying will cost you money. And you will be surprised how heartless they can be. But its not their job to comfort you. So just stick to the facts of what you want to achieve and get in and out as quickly as you can. The longer you talk to them the more it costs you. And you have wasted enough time and money on this relationship as it is.

Sorry to be so hard on you. I know you are going thru a tough time right now. But you have to be strong to do what you are doing.

Lastly, if it all seems a bit much right now, leave it for a while. I know its a waste of time being married to this man but if you are not strong enough to do this right now, perhaps leaving it 6 months or so may help. But what ever you decide to do, keep ya chin up. It wont always be like this and at 26, you have years and years ahead of you girl. C.

  • jslgb
  • jslgb's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
23 May 12 #332441 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
Thank you for your reply.

I took your advice on board and went to my solicitor with a clear head and i already feel so much better about everything now. Theres always gonna be a part of me thats embarrassed my marriage didnt last, but thats not my doing and out of my control and its time to move onwards and upwards!!

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
23 May 12 #332445 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi jslgb...

jslgb wrote:

part of me thats embarrassed my marriage didnt last, but thats not my doing and out of my control and its time to move onwards and upwards!!


Dont be embarrassed. Its not of yr doing. He left for someone else. What else are you supposed to do?

There will be doubts. There always is. What may help is to write it all down why you are doing what you are doing. Keep this list handy and when you feel some doubts creeping in, get the list out.

No one walks between the raindrops of life. Everyone has a blip in their life. This is yours. You will be fine in time. C.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11