Hi all - any help or advice gratefully received. My wife and I have been having a bumpy time for a little while now and it''s finally resulted in her application for divorce based on my UB. She has mentioned it a few times but I just brushed it off. I know I can be a pain to live with sometimes but I think there is more to it like she might be seeing someone else.
I don''t have any clear proof but know she has exchanged emails and texts with old work colleagues (male) which she says is platonic and they offer her work advice and guidance from time to time.
I''d like to prove adultery out of princple and will happily subpoena and court order for mobile and email records if I can. I know this could be expensive but I''m willing to try anything.......Is this feasible and how much is it likely to cost me..?
I had a meeting with my solicitor today with a view to start divorce proceedings. I wanted to Petition the divorce on the grounds of my stbxh adultery. My solicitor is going to write to my stbxh to ask if he accepts the grounds but stating adultery from after our separation rather than acknowledging the fact that my stbxh left for the ow he was having an affair with. I had phone bills to prove a ridiculous amount of contact including xmas day and his verbal confession but nothing else. A lot of people told me not to bother with adultery or trying to prove it and in terms of just wanting the divorce now i was accepting of that. My solicitor said the court doesnt care what has happened to the marriage or when the adultery happened and we want to go forward in a way where the grounds were accepted. He also said you cant challenge a divorce. You either accept it or you dont. I imagine in your case this would mean you dont accept the grounds and the petition for divorce yourself. If you go ahead with her grounds of UB you can accept the divorce but reject the terms of UB i believe. I think at this point you need to think about how much you want the divorce, how it will affect people involved and whether its worth the cost.
I too wanted it noted as adultery out of principle but i agreed to back down in terms of stating adultery after the separation and not naming names as i expect there to be disagreements over child arrangements and decided to pick my battles more wisely.
Hope that helps x
To prove adultery you have to prove sexual intercourse took place. Emails and phone calls mean nothing. It will cost you a fortune and her Petition is more likely to stand than yours as you can''t prove anything unless you have a legally obtained video (datestamped) of them having sex. The courts don''t care about why you are splitting up. The marriage is over. You can agree to the divorce but state that you don''t agree with all the grounds in the petition and save you both thousands.
cnb - thanks for the advice. I guess im pretty upset and shocked at the moment but need to consider all my options. No matter what it costs me I will at least know for sure. Can I even get the access I''m thinking of asking for..? Even if it doesn''t prove it to the court I''d like to know for myself.!
To get that access will involve a lengthy and costly court battle. Wait and the future will show you if she is having an affair as these things do become public. Don''t waste your emotions on this and concentrate on keeping yourself strong. There is life ahead and this will become a memory one day. If you can accept the marriage is over try to move forward please. The only people concerned with the reasons are you and ex. The courts don''t generally take into account reasons when sorting financials and I don''t know any divorcee that has been asked on a first date what the grounds for divorce were.
thanks jslgb - some good advice there. I guess I don''t really want the divorce at all and therefore want to make it as difficult for my stbxw as possible. From what you''re saying though it doesn''t appear I have too much choice but to accept it but disagree with the terms of UB she has stated. If I can''t challenge then it feels like the other person can make up their mind to divorce and there isn''t a great deal you can do about it. She thinks I''m trying to force her to stay married (which i guess is true to an extent) but it seems it won''t get me anywhere in the long run !