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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Could you please help

  • Lena3
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26 May 12 #333025 by Lena3
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He on purpose keeps our son by the television till 10 pm on week days, and when I ask him to let son go to bed he says ''''Ignore every single word that she is saying, you can watch telly till midnight''''. Last Sunday, I cane dowstairs to ask son to go to bed at 9 pm, got hold oh his had, he refused to go and slid from the sofa to the floor by himself. He made out that I was physically abusive towards son, started taking photos of '''' a red spot on his bum'''', which is an utter lie.He now blackmails me, that if i don''t move out, he will use this for me not to get custody of son. My solicitor knows about this as I called her first thing on Monday, but she says we are going round in circles. But God, who can protect us? Even my 8 year old son is saying she is not protecting us. Kind regards. Lena

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26 May 12 #333026 by epitome title
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Hi Lena

I would be very surprised if his solicitor threw your solicitor''s letters in the bin without reading them - I think he is trying to undermine your confidence and my suggestion is hard as it is, don''t let him do that -

You have been incredibly brave in issuing proceedings against him and you should be very proud of yourself for saying no more to his treatment of you - it is hard, very hard to make that first step and you have done it - and I bet he is the most surprised one that you have, he is having to swallow that he is being divorced because he has displayed violent and agressive behaviour towards you and your son - that is not a nice place to be but that is where he has put himself, he will have to deal with it

I would suggest that you speak to your solicitor, before you do, write down the questions you want answering and try not to use her as an emotional crutch (not that she sounds that sympathetic) but ask direct questions ie what are your options, can she have him removed from the house due to his behaviour towards you in front of your son, and towards your son? Tell her that if your choice to stay or move to a one bedroom property with your son - there is not much of a choice but given that you are married to him, regardless of whose name the property is in, the needs of the child will and should come first, therefore if he is aggressive, he must move out - that is what I would do but like i said, don''t expect her to be a counsellor, talk to her on a direct legal footing and see what she says

remember not to listen to what your husband is saying about what he solicitor thinks to yours - there is no way your solicitor''s letters are going into his solicitor''s bin unread - and one thing I have learnt is that a solicitor can only go on what he or she is being told, your husband may not be being wholly truthful about things with his solicitor.

Kind regards
xx

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26 May 12 #333027 by epitome title
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Hi Lena

Sorry, I posted such a long reply (afraid I tend to do long replies) :)and missed your one about how he keeps your child up and is now blackmailing you

God, i wouldn''t know how to advise you on this aspect and my children are grown up but i am sure that if you start another post specifically about this - there will be some Wiki''s who know much more about what to do in this situation.

It must be intolerable for you both and maybe the only answer will be for you both to eventually move out but even if that is the case, you are married to him, the house is the matrimonial home whoever lives there so it will be in the pot when it comes to a financial settlement, and you and your child will be put first by the courts

you must make sure that you keep as safe as you possibly can but i really would have a direct conversation with your solicitor and try and get some answers from her

keep that diary away from him and tell him nothing about what you are doing, let everything come from your solicitor to his - once you get your Nisi, you will be able to forge ahead and get the financial part of the proceedings under way - I am not sure if I am right or wrong but I feel that is how i would deal with it for the moment

xxx

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26 May 12 #333028 by Lena3
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Hi epitome title,

I''m so grateful for your support. I will write down the list of questions to her and see what she says. I will keep posting and hope you will be able to reply. Thank you so much for your kindness. I honestly feel trapped when she says we are going round in circles, but now I will try to approach her like you are advising. Thank you. Kind regards. Lena XX

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26 May 12 #333029 by Lena3
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Dear epitome title,

People say to me, don''t ever let your case go to to courts otherwaise there will be nothing left to devide. I''m afraid, I cannot see me avoiding court proceedings, especially custody and financial settlement.What is your opinion on this.

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26 May 12 #333030 by epitome title
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Hi

She is the legal advisor and although i can understand she may be banging her head against a brick wall with his solicitor at the moment, as like i said, they can only believe what they are being told initially, it is not until a bit further down the line that they start to see the wood for the trees, but she is the legal advisor and even if it is going round in circles, surely she must have some thoughts on how to break that cycle - get her to get her thinking cap on :)

I think it would be good to write the questions down as all solicitor''s time is money - legal aid or not, and the more time you take talking to her, the more it all clocks up - remember she is not your friend or counsellor, she is your legal representative - be prudent with her time - decide whether you will email her with your questions and request her answers or whether you will call and talk to her - don''t do both as she will wop it off your legal aid allowance.

We are all in similar boats here Lena, you will find support here everytime you need it - all you have to do is post, or blog or pop into chat or private message :)

Kindest regards, sleep well and hope to hear how you are getting on

xxx

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26 May 12 #333031 by epitome title
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I understand totally about not going to court if at all possible, but sometimes it is just not possible to avoid it

My divorce will go all the way, we have had first appointment, FDR and have a date in september for a two day final hearing

sometimes it is just necessary - and if it is, you just have to take a deep breath and get on with it - that is what I am going to do

:)

it is just another step on the way to being free i guess :):)

xxx

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