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Family funerals...

  • yellowrose
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12 Jun 12 #336301 by yellowrose
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Not had to face this one, but like you the thought of it would make me feel like you.

I wouldn''t go because I know it would do me more harm than good but everyone is different and only you can decide.

Whatever the decision is it WILL be the right one.


  • jslgb
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12 Jun 12 #336308 by jslgb
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I can imagine this is very hard for you. I was never close to my in laws and we dont communicate at all now so i cant imagine being in this situation. I completely understand how you feel about the ow. I would be the same, and in a situation where emotions are heightened the way they are it would be difficult to do. It sounds like your stbx''s family completely understand where you are coming from, and i would imagine they are giving your ex hassle for taking the ow given the history which is why he is pushing for you to go.

Maybe you could arrange for some kind of get together with your in laws after the funeral. My daughter and i have always used chinese lanterns to remember the family members we have lost. Maybe inviting your in laws to do something like this would create your own special memorial and i''m sure it would be appreciated.

  • Marshy_
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12 Jun 12 #336310 by Marshy_
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Hi Dazed. I am sure that you thought hard about this and weighed it all up. FWIW, in your shoes I wouldnt go either. You can still go and see what you need to see. Just without the others there and on yr own. I think that is the best compromise.

I face a similar thing but not a funeral. It was my ex step daughters prize giving at the school. She was 16 and leaving. Sure you know what I mean. The ex''s BF was going of course. And I thought long and hard about it. I wanted to go. To see the fruit of all that work that she put in. And of course the hours that I had helped her doing homework with her. But in the end I decided on balance that I shouldn''t go.

No one argued with me. I got no grief for saying I wasnt going. I think they were relieved that I didnt go. And I still think I made the right decision. As you have.

I didnt want to sit with little and large. There was no way I would have anything to do with them. I would have sat on my own. And this would have embarrassed my ex Step D. And there was no way the ex step D was ever going to come over to me. It would have been awful.

Sometimes there will be family events that you are invited to and that you want to go but shouldn''t. Its a shame really as you were part of that family for a long time. Like I was. But its there son. And his new partner. She will take yr place one day. Again, thats just the way it is. Just like my ex''s BF took my place.

But at the end of the day, you have to do whats right for you. And in the case of my ex step D, for her also. Life moves on. The world turns. C.

  • epitome title
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12 Jun 12 #336328 by epitome title
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Marshy - top advice as always, you have a fantastic insight and I enjoy reading your responses - what a really great guy you are

Kind regards

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