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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Over a barrel

  • SilverFir
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12 Jun 12 #336329 by SilverFir
Topic started by SilverFir
STBX has me over a barrel.

For three years we''ve been trying to separate under Scottish law (FMH there). Scottish law says you cannot divorce without equivalent of a financial order. STBX would not agree terms of and sign a financial order. Then we ran out of time, both STBX and I live in England, no basis for Scottish jurisdiction.

STBX had raised divorce on grounds of adultery in Scotland, but only got as far as warrant to Petition which lapsed so no ongoing proceedings.

STBX emails as late as this spring were suggesting that we ditch solicitors and that I should apply for an English divorce on grounds of 2y separation.

So I have done.

And now he''s decided that, despite telling me to raise the divorce, he''s not going to consent to it. Now that I''ve shelled out £340 of my own money (I wasn''t seeking a costs order), he''s withdrawing that consent.

So I am left in limbo, I can''t proceed.

He could cross-petition on grounds of adultery (not contested). Chances are he''d be awarded costs against me - even though I''ve already paid out £340, on his instructions.

Or he could choose to do nothing, and make me wait for 5y separation without consent.

Either way, he has me over a barrel. If I want a divorce, I have to pay his costs too (and he''s decided that despite pleading poverty, he''ll use a solicitor).

As far as I''m concerned, he''s a grade A b*****d. To suggest he''ll consent if I raise a Petition, and then deny that consent, just stinks.

(Thanks for listening!)

eta. Oh, and if you are reading this STBX, get a life. Wasting your time trying to make a mess of mine is (a) not working and (b) going to give you extremely bad karma.

  • fairylandtime
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12 Jun 12 #336355 by fairylandtime
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SF

Did you have it in writing? If so perhaps you could use that? If it is 2yrs separation I dont think that your x can refuse to consent & you could fight over costs, however, doing so might cost more than paying & I''m not sure I am right re the refusing of consent .... Sorry


Hope someone with more knowledge can help you with it as it isn''t a good situation to be in, frustrating to say the least, but you are right about karma

JJx

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16 Jun 12 #337105 by SilverFir
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All the indications I''m getting are that I can do nothing about this. If he doesn''t actually return the Ack of Service and say that he''s not defending, then he hasn''t ''consented'' and I can''t get the divorce.

I considered trying to appeal to the judge via a Case Management meeting on the basis of "proceeding in good faith", but others don''t think it''ll be successful and I risk ending up with no divorce and a claim for costs on his part.

Someone suggested I change to UB, but (1) there is no way I can afford a solicitor to help with the wording (all my income goes on disabled toddler) and (2) I''d be hard-pushed to find any UB that occurred in the final six months of marriage as opposed to the ten years previously. Our marriage was boring (no s*x) and I looked elsewhere for excitement.

So he does have me over a barrel. Sounds like he''s not prepared to divorce me for adultery (I gather he can''t raise a Petition on Legal Aid) plus that would be giving me what I want, a divorce.

Roll on January 2014, that''s all I can say.

  • Fiona
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16 Jun 12 #337120 by Fiona
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You can only divorce after 2 years separation with the consent of the other spouse. If there is no consent then there can''t be a divorce on the grounds of separation. The options are either to change the Petition to unreasonable behaviour or wait and divorce after 5 years separation without consent.

I''m sure posters could help with the wording for unreasonable behaviour if you need it. In England & Wales the reasons need to be strong enough to persuade the court it is intolerable to expect you to live together but there isn''t the same burden of proof required as there is in Scotland.

eg On [pick a date] the Respondent called the Petitioner a moose. This made the Petitioner feel belittled and unloved. (I''m joking about the moose but you get the general gist)

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16 Jun 12 #337136 by SilverFir
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I''m not going to bother, Fiona. I thought I had his consent, he''s decided to withdraw it. If I change the Petition to UB, he''ll still try to defend it, he''s that determined to try and thwart me. I don''t think he''ll cross-petition because that would give me what I want - a divorce.

I haven''t yet looked (it''s late and I''m off to bed) but can I try for a Financial Order (Clean Break) without a divorce petition?

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16 Jun 12 #337137 by Fiona
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No effective financial order (apart from maintenance pending suit) can be made until the Nisi has been granted.:(

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16 Jun 12 #337139 by SilverFir
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He wins.

Bet he''s laughing his head off right now.

I can understand why people get depressed.

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