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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

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A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Divorcing a rapist? Help

  • AmeliaRose
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16 Jun 12 #337012 by AmeliaRose
Topic started by AmeliaRose
Hello, I have been married for 15 years now and recently found out that my husband raped someone before we met. He was caught out when he had to give DNA for something unrelated and was convicted and jailed for a long time.

I can not believe this has happened and I want to know what to do. Can I divorce him without having to wait until he has been away for 2 years or do I really have to wait that long. I can''t get over what he did. He was never violent to me, probably because I am a feisty one and he would never have dared.

My family are torn, my sister is too forgiving and thinks marriage is for life no matter what happened in his past before we met but the rest of my family are horrified just as much as I am.

What do I do?

  • hawaythelads
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16 Jun 12 #337025 by hawaythelads
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You can divorce him on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour.
You just put as the reason convicted for rape and sentenced for a long term.You cannot be reasonably expected to stay married to him.

All the best
Pete

  • mumtoboys
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16 Jun 12 #337026 by mumtoboys
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amelia
have you had some outside support with this? counselling maybe? I can appreciate you want to divorce quickly but maybe just focus on you for a few months and what you want and where you want things to go. It must have been a dreadful shock for you and it''s obviously pulled your life apart. Give yourself some time and space to grieve for your marriage and the person you knew before pushing on with the legalities. Just a little time to come to terms with things I am sure will help with the emotional rollercoaster that is divorce. Take care xxx

  • flowerofscotland
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16 Jun 12 #337028 by flowerofscotland
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Hi AmeliaRose,

Hello and a very warm welcome to Wiki. You are in complete shock, going through a trauma. MTB''s is right, do not make any rash decisions right now, if he is away for the 2 years, then by waiting, this will keep your costs down. The legalities are really, in all of this, the easy part, it is the emotional pain and your feelings that will be the hardest over the time to deal with.

Take time out for yourself and seek professional help, especially if you have your own children/family to think about. You have to talk to someone who is not there to be Judge and Jury, but to allow you the chance to make sense of this discovery, as at the end of the day this was/is your husband, you must look after yourself. By doing this you will come out of this stronger.

Take care for now FoS x

  • Mitchum
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16 Jun 12 #337029 by Mitchum
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Amelia, hello and welcome to wiki.

What a painful discovery that must have been and the knock-on effect with family attitudes difficult to come to terms with.

However, your wellbeing, and your future are number one priority now. Of course you expect family to support you but I hope you have some family members and good friends at home to support you. Virtual friends here will support you too.

Mumtoboys is right, it would help to talk it through with a professional if you haven''t already done so. Your GP can refer you.

Take all the legal advice you can get from wiki and take advantage of the free consultation offered by some lawyers. It''s a good idea to ask a friend to go with you and take notes as it''s so much to take in. When you get home compare with advice from here. That way you''ll have a good idea of how you can move things forward.

Working through the coming weeks and months is going to be very hard but you will find support from the wiki community.

Take care. xx

  • fairylandtime
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16 Jun 12 #337043 by fairylandtime
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Amelia

Welcome, you have had some good advice & I can only reiterate it.

Your family members care about you but are giving conflicting advice depending on their stance & what they believe. You are in shock, who wouldn''t be, & you will be really conflicted st the moment. I too think that you should seek out a Concillor, relate are good but hard to get in, however, if you push & tell them they may be able to get you in quicker? It was means tested / donations on what you could afford when I went so ok in terms of cost, you just need someone who can listen & not judge or have an opinion, this will give you the time to decide what YOU want to do & what is best for you.

Like Others have said the lealities are the easy part, it is the emotional conflict that is the hard bit - concelling is imo really helpful, but it is up to you (self-help books or see your GP whatever wors for you) . Importantly, don''t be pressured by anyone just go at your own speed & in your own time to your own conclusions, if that be divorce or not whatever.

(((hugs)) & Stay strong JJx

  • sun flower
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16 Jun 12 #337048 by sun flower
Reply from sun flower
Amelia.

What a horrible thing to have happened...in fact that doesn''t really say what I want to at all....a horrible thing is maggots in the bottom of the wheelie bin that can be sorted and put behind you, or some such, not the life and soul rocking thing you are having to face.

I partly, just wanted to say ''hello'' and add another friendly face, and partly wanted to say what good advice fairylandtime and mumtoboys have given...take your own time, don''t let anybody rush you, and trust your instincts, find a cousellor.

I don''t think you said if you have children....I don''t know how to begin to support them through this if you do, but somebody on wiki will have some experience, perhaps not the same as this, but akin to it.

In the meantime, in my very clumsy way, I am trying to add my support.

sc

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