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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

What to do when the anger fades

  • alfiesmummy
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19 Jun 12 #337559 by alfiesmummy
Topic started by alfiesmummy
Hello Everyone

I am brand new to this and actually only left my husband on Sunday,
So today the anger has faded and i feel like ive been hit by a ton of bricks.

i know its right for me and my son ( aged 2 ) but its breaking my heart already.

Any words of encouragement or advice wuld be so welcome.

thanks in anticipation xxx :(

  • jslgb
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19 Jun 12 #337561 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
Hi alfiesmummy and welcome :-)

I would assume that you have thought very carefully about this decision before you made it and feel like you are doing the right thing for you and your son.

You are about to go on a rollercoaster of emotions and i''m not going to lie, it will be hard, But you need to remember why you did this to begin with.

You''ve come to a fantastic place and you will get so much support and advice here. I only wish i had found it in the early days of my break up rather than 18 months!

Stay strong and keep your chin up xx

  • Lynda58
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19 Jun 12 #337668 by Lynda58
Reply from Lynda58
You are very brave. I decided to stay as I had 3 children, the last one left home last year and I filed for divorce but am now 53. Power to your elbow the world is your oyster, if only I had your strength.

  • kaycee54321
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23 Jun 12 #338519 by kaycee54321
Reply from kaycee54321
You just have to follow your gut instinct on this and even if your head/heart tells you to give it another try, deep down you will know whether it''s worth doing that. I struggled for months with the decision because bad memories do fade, but I wrote things down so that I wouldn''t forget how unhappy I was with my ex and that also helped me with my decision. Good luck with it and remember that life isn''t a rehearsal.

  • Fifi100
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24 Jun 12 #338681 by Fifi100
Reply from Fifi100
I admire you for having the gumption to leave. If you''ve tried and exhausted all avenues and it''s not working -if you have no alternative then as someone else said more power to you. Life is indeed not a rehearsal.

I am the one who has been left and I''m struggling because STBX continues to keep offering glimpses that he wants to change etc. It''s going to be a roller coaster but if you really mean this stick with it and stay strong. It''s so hard not to wonder... I keep a diary and that helps -counselling and good friends help even more (only one or two).

Feeling sad is fair enough. Take care F

  • flowerofscotland
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24 Jun 12 #338685 by flowerofscotland
Reply from flowerofscotland
Hi alfiesmummy,

Hello and a very warm welcome to Wiki. A virtual place of hugs and comfort when the going gets tough. I am glad you found us as early on in the process, some of us took longer and when we did find it wish we had done so sooner!

You give no real explanation for your sudden departure, that''s fine. But, as the other''s have said, I take it you have explored all avenues for your leaving?

If adultery is involved then the trust is gone...if it is domestic abuse then that is totally unacceptable and unforgivable....you see what I am saying. If it is a minor detail like he forgot to get the pint of milk on the way home from work....then that is a totally different ball game.

What you have to be sure of is that in your heart of hearts you have done the right thing by leaving. If it is for a reason that your marriage is non-repairable then fine, but if there is a chance that you find yourself where you are due to something and nothing...then please try every avenue to work at things together. Divorce is not something that most people here would advocate, only if for the right reasons. It is a journey through hell and not easy at all when children are involved. All I am asking is that you have explored all areas of reconciliation and making things work? If all else fails then you have no option, just be sure you are doing the right thing for all the right reasons, please.

Also, if this is it and your departure has good reason, if you are in a position to stay in the FMH, with your child, then ask him to leave and you stay put. You have to provide a roof over your child''s head and your husband has given you good reason to call things a day, ask him to move out. This will better your position when dealing with Solicitors and Courts etc.

This leads me on to recommending that you seek good legal council, but do not rush into anything until you are 100% sure of going for divorce. It is a mine field and also very expensive, make sure you see a good family law specialist if he is going to be awkward during the process.

Make sure that you know where all your monies are and have copies of everything down to the last penny, because ultimately that is what it all boils down to ...pounds, schillings and pence!

During this time you will go through a multitude of emotions from tears, anger, grief, being bereft etc....you will go on a real roller coaster of life. Be prepared as best as you can. Look after yourself, get as much exercise and fresh air as you can, take the little one to the park and let them run around, so that you will sleep better at night. Eat soups and yoghurt etc if you are struggling and keep coming on to Wiki for all the support that you can get from Financial to Emotional....

Take care for now FoS x

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