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Calm before the storm.

  • Fifi100
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26 Jun 12 #339208 by Fifi100
Topic started by Fifi100
Good morning,

I''m stealing myself for a tricky day -and that''s being positive.

On Sunday I drove up to drop some things off at my STBX flat and to ambush him to talk about things. I craved this talk. When I arrived OW car was at the flat so I drove away as I did not want to cause a scene. I texted STBX who tried to lie his way out of it and said it was not her car (it was).

About 2 months ago STBX had the children at his mother''s house (MiL was on holiday) as we had agreed whilst things were uncertain that it was a familiar place to them and less disruptive. My BiL and his girlfriend would be there too for support. My eldest told me when he got home that OW had been there -against the express instructions of MiL (and indeed me -not that that matters a jot legally speaking).

MiL has been on my case to compromise and meet STBX half way etc. I bit my tongue and did not tell her that he had taken the OW to her home and introduced the children to her. I did not explain why I had sought legal advice (he had told her that I had and that I had asked for a divorce, said he couldn''t stay here etc...) -I simply stated that I had my reasons and that he knew and he should tell her. However, on Sunday night whilst organising for her to attend something for the children she went on and on and on at me -I know it was meant in love. I acknowledged that intention and then, I said that she really needed to speak to her son and that perhaps it was best she left it. She then pushed some more and I (snapped) told her -just the bones. She went quiet and furious and then said she would appreciate it if I did not tell STBX that she knew as she wanted to talk to him once she had had time to calm down. I know blood is thicker than water but the children are blood too and they do not need anymore confusion at this juncture. STBX had told his M that OW was not a relationship and that I was being ridiculous in thinking so. He lied. I feel for her I really do because no one wants to hear that about their own child but I will not take personal attack when I am being reasonable -especially when it comes down to the best interests of the children.

So yesterday MiL left me a voicemail telling me that she would be meeting him today and please not say anything to him.

Then I also got a text message from OW asking me if I was with STBX on Friday -seems he has been in a relationship with her since February and has apparently been cheating on her (Karma). I now have a full disclosure from OW -clearly I do not trust it 100% (I am not so niaive). Not sure if I can use it though in divorce process as all on text.

Then last night I get a text from STBX stating that he thinks we should press ahead with a divorce (I think he might have been having an out of mind experience these past few months?!?!?!?!). Actually as I type he''s just texted apologising for his text and that he knows he is being talked about.

I have not replied to him. I am seeing my solicitor this week to really push on. I feel very positive at this moment in time -clearly this can all change in the blink of an eye and I know that the proverbial will hit the fan later when MiL meets STBX.

I don''t really know why I am posting this! I think it is to exhale -so thanks if you got this far. It''s perverse as to how relieved I am to have Absolute confirmation from the horse''s mouth that I was not going mad.

I hope you all have great days -I''ll check in later.

F x

  • NoWhereToTurnl
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26 Jun 12 #339213 by NoWhereToTurnl
Reply from NoWhereToTurnl
I really feel for you as I had the same situation back in 2003 when my ex was telling Mil lies. As much as it hurts to hear from OW, its a relief to know his mind games wont work now that you know the truth.

My Mil has sadly passed away but I hope yours will give you and the children all the love & support possible. You did the right thing telling her, why should you take the blame for his cheating! Well done for keeping quiet as long as you did.

Sending you lots of love and a (((BIG HUG)))
Stay strong.
NWTT xxx

  • Fifi100
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27 Jun 12 #339431 by Fifi100
Reply from Fifi100
Well the inevitable sarky text arrived from STBX accusing me of trying to split him up with his M. Obviously he can''t see that it''s not all about HIM!

Argh! Anyway to add my eldest had an accident last evening that merited a trip to A&E and on the way I crashed the car -thought the car in front was pulling forward and in that second as I accelerated my eldest screamed in pain I turned around and the guy in front stopped to let someone through. I crashed into him. Luckily it''s all seemingly superficial and no one was hurt

Eldest is ok too.

MiL expressed that she was worried about losing her Grandchildren. I have done my best to reassure her. I might point her in the direction of resolution for her to read up on modern day info etc. her divorce was acrimonious to say the least.

I''m still very wary of her.


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