To leave or not to leave, that is the question

Hi Wikipeeps

So I''m expecting the Petition any day, having agreed the grounds through mediation. Currently still living in matrimonial home. Planning to jointly tell the kids (aged 7 & 10) that things are going to change soon... So we will agree what and how we will tell them, providing assurances, etc. We plan to tell kids in 2 weeks, after end of school term.

However, the stbx wants me to leave the home next week, because she finds my *presence*, not actions, bring out the worst in her, affecting her behaviour. Also she wants the kids to get accustomed to me not being around. I have slept in the annexe of our home for over a year and keep out of her way and live separate lives basically. Legal advice I''ve taken tells me *not* to rent a flat say and move out, as this may prejudice my case if the mattter goes to court.

So, stbx wants me instead to stay with one of my family members and lose my daily contact with the kids, give up my creature comforts of our lovely home I''ve spent almost every penny on, to give her more space and to get the kids used to me being "away".

I understand where she''s coming from and that she''s struggling, but I am inclined to stay put until at least the Consent Order or Decree Nisi are in place.

Additionally, I am thinking the kids would *prefer* me to be around at the time of giving them the sad news, rather than me not being around much cos I''ve moved out to stay 10 mins away with family. I refuse to lie to my kids. I won''t tell them I am working out of the city when I am not. I want to be honest.

So do I give in to my stbx''s request, or tell the kids, stay a while, allow legal docs to come through before making my move? To leave or not to leave, that is the question.

Many thanks folks!

Stay put for now. You''ve stuck it out for this long, a few more months won''t hurt. And your children may thank you later, they might want to know that you are still there for them in the first few months.

Hi

Please stay put in the home, i made the mistake of moving out and lost so much as once you are out of the home she has such an advantage in how the proceedings go.

Thanks so much. I understand this moving out to be a grey area, having been told staying with relatives would not jeopardise the outcome. I''m just so unsure whether this is true.

Did you move out completely or still keep a presence at the FMH?

Thanks so much for sharing, as this is the cause of much turmoil at home.

Much obliged.

Hi

Please look at the recent posts re leaving the matrimonial home and re-entry, its seems whoever stops in the house has a right to privacy.

In my situation I moved out and regret that decision as she controls everything even though we have a consent order agreed she dictates everything. seems you can do nothing.

Thanks

Hi
I am sure you s2bx would be delighted if you fecked off.

The best advice is DO NOT MOVE OUT, remember that anything agreed in mediation is of little value when it comes to court.

The reason why you don''t move out is as follows, once you are out you will I assume still be paying at least half the mortgage and bills as well as finding rent for yourself. This might mean that you can''t afford a property where you can have the children overnight. Your s2bx is sat pretty with you paying a large part (if not all) the bills. This takes all of the incentive/momentum out of the financial settlement.
When it comes to contact you are potentially in a position where you haven''t had them overnight for many months and that can count against you too.

You should make it clear that you will only move out once the concent order is signed.
In the meantime you simply must not become involved in any arguments or raised voices.

But to be clear DO NOT MOVE OUT

LB

The usual legal advice is not move out until arrangements are in place for finances and children. In some circumstances leaving might leave someone on a back foot because their needs to re-house will be met or the other party drags their feet to reach agreement because there is no incentive to settle quickly. Also the costs of running two homes can quickly run up debts.

On the other hand sometimes moving out doesn''t make a great deal of difference to the settlement, it may prevent a parent with the majority of care moving with the children some distance away and it means the emotions and practicalities can be separated so more constructive negotiation can take place.