I have an appointment at 10 today with my solicitor to get things started.
I have HUGE reservations. I can''t see how I can forgive my STBX but by the same token part of me wants him to come home (even though he has not made any moves to do so). He''s on holiday at the moment for some time out. His Mum says he''s heading for a breakdown but he won''t have dialogue with me until next Thursday.
One thing I have learned from this whole horrid process, looking back, is maybe just maybe I should have waited just a little, before engaging a Solicitor.
I am not in anyway shape or form saying do not go and seek legal council and see what your options are, but allow yourself the time to make sure you are doing the right thing.
Most of us, like you, who have been devastated by adultery, generally have the same sentiments as you that we can not forgive and forget. And we are right, that is not a foundation for a good partnership or marriage.
What I am trying to say, is that when your emotions are more in control and you are not signing on the dotted line with your Solicitor, which could involve a lot of heavy unnecessary costs, then make sure that you start the ball rolling when you are at the right time to do it. Do not jump in just yet, if you are not sure. Do it when it is right for you.
I agree with FoS. I went to see a solicitor virtually straight away for issues over contact. Whenever they brought up the divorce i simply said i wasnt ready.
I have now been separated 18 months and about a month ago i decided i was ready to start the divorce proceedings. All the way along people pushed me and pulled me to do it but the bottom line was, i wasnt ready. I needed to adjust to my new life with my daughter, and come to terms with what my stbxh and the OW had done (still not there yet but making progress!!) and most of all i wanted to be emotionally ready. I am in a position now where what has happened doesnt define me, and isnt on my mind every second of the day. I''m content with who i am and my life as it is now. I know my divorce will be bitter, stbxh is already refusing to acknowledge it, so i am prepared for that now. I couldnt go through it if i was still hurting.
It may also be worth mentioning that your ex could apply for a divorce, whether you are "ready" or not.
Yes it is true you should not file too early. But leave it too long and you may regret it. Many people feel strongly about being Petitioner, and being "blamed" especially when your ex is the one who is violent or had the affair, is not fun.
I went but I was assured by my solicitor that I could control the timing so it was up to me when letters were issued etc and there was no need to rush things.
Thank you for your replies. I was going to ask what peoples'' biggest regrets were with regards to divorce and what they would have done better / differently etc in a separate thread.
I''ve distanced myself (not too much) from my MiL -she telephoned me on my birthday recently and launched into an attack on my family and my morals -how I had forgiven others for infidelity but why could I not forgive her son?! She knows no context or fall out of situations -he has clearly tried to make me look unreasonable again.
I''m glad I went because whilst I was travelling there STBX called from his "break" -turns out he is in an expensive European Resort playing golf and drinking whilst I''m fretting that he has finally felt guilty and is on his knees about to do something stupid.
So that''s it. Amazing how emotions flicker from the deeply painfully sad to the sort of accepting to anger and then round and around and around we go..... I want off now!!!