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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Scared

  • stresseduk
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08 Jul 12 #341844 by stresseduk
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I have my FDR tomorow and am scared. As i have lived with a control freak for 20years i am expecting him to control the rest of my life.I have three boys none of them want to live with him, but he tells me he wants me out the house and him move back in. i amunableto get a mortgage as only worked part time round family and when he left he left me with no money. He wanted me to crumble.he is on a good salary plus bonuses and has a fantastic pension and does not want to see his family settled. Will things be settled at FDR, with a man who thinks he deserves everything.

  • epitome title
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08 Jul 12 #341846 by epitome title
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Hi Stressed

I went to my FDR a few weeks ago. Are you being represented by a Barrister?

If you are, make sure you are at the Court early (at least an hour before the Court time), meet with your representative and he/she will go through the procedure with you. But what happened at mine was the applicant''s (me) Barrister summarised my case (my children are grown up so mine is only about a settlement) then the Respondent''s Barrister put stbx''s case, the Judge listened and said that mine is a difficult case and suggested we all go to our respective rooms and allow the Barristers to try to come to an agreement. He said that this would be preferable to going to final hearing because of costs etc etc and said that we could come back to see him for Directions if needed.

We did that and a couple of offers (if you can call them that) were put forward and refused so we went back in to see the Judge. He said that at final hearing the likely outcome would be a 50/50 split and adjusted from there, he explained that he would not be hearing the final hearing and suggested that one day was likely not enough and to list it for a two day hearing.

My stbx is also controlling and is quite convinced he owes me not a penny but I honestly think that his Barrister on the day (although very agressive in front of the Judge) did tell stbx that he needs to try and settle this before final hearing (hence the offers) and I do think that stbx got a bit of a shock as a cocky attitude and controlling tendancies don''t really go down too well in court so try not to worry too much

A bit like the first appointment, if FDR does not bring the proceedings to an end, it does feel a bit of an anti climax as nothing is resolved, well that was the case in my situation and i am back to waiting for the final hearing (late September) but it does mean that in theory you are at the beginning of the end and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I can''t really advise if you are not represented, however i would imagine the procedure would be the same, it just would be you summarising your case instead of a Barrister, but if you are self repping, from what i have heard, the Judge will be patient with you and often i have heard, they will help you out with any legalities/procedures you are not sure of

Get a good night''s sleep, turn up early, dress smartly, be respectful to the Judge and try not to sneer at either the stbx or his representative, one thing I do know is the Judge susses people out pretty quickly. We are all human and in the same way we decide whether we like someone or not, it is the same for the Judge.

Best of luck, in theory, the judge will give some indication of what the outcome will be at final hearing and if your stbx has any sense, he will listen.

One last thing and probably the most important of all, no Judge is going to allow your stbx to get you out of the house when you have children, the children''s needs will be the priority

I think your stbx will be getting a wakey wakey call tomorrow

Kind regards

xx

  • tinkerbell1606
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08 Jul 12 #341847 by tinkerbell1606
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Hi Scared
I can identify completely with your situation. Have just had final hearing, and waiting for the judgement, scarey times indeed!
I remember the FDR back in November, and feeling like you do today.
Judges are given all the facts and figures and at FDR will really only deal with fair division of available assets.
His income and pension will all be considered and the judge will tell you his opinion of how it should be done.
My ex pushed me all the way to final hearing expecting me to crack, but I haven''t, it''s so hard to deal with, but it''s in the hands of the court.
It''s unlikely that he will be allowed to push you out of your home, especially with children, all of your circumstances are taken into account.
I wish you luck for tomorrow, I''m sure you''ve done all you can, remember to be kind to yourself today, tomorrow will be a memory very soon.
Best wishes for a good outcome
Tink x

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08 Jul 12 #341848 by stresseduk
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Thanks for that. I do have a barrister but my x thinks he can control everything.I,m so scared but cant wait for closure. I am on diazepam as i am very down.I am with a lovly new partner who my boys love and i think this has made x worse as he wanted me to crumble.

  • Margot123
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08 Jul 12 #341849 by Margot123
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Hi stressduck,

I am nowhere near this stage but it must be very daunting indeed, good luck and let us know how it went

Best wishes

Cx (((())))

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08 Jul 12 #341851 by epitome title
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If he thinks he will control a Judge - he will have a different opinion come tomorrow evening

You are now in the court process and something i think Cookie said to me was "now is the time the silly b**gers stop and the court takes over"

As you are represented, you won''t have to say anything, just try and stay calm and composed, let stbx look like the controlling person he is.

Mine sat side on and back from the table with his ankle resting on his other knee - I think, trying to look confident and relaxed, he actuallly looked like the prat that he is - controlling people have that way about them and frankly it doesn''t make them look good in a family court !!

xxx

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