My wife announced that we were to separate abot three weeks ago. It came as a complete shock to me. In the days after the announcement I left the family home and have stayed with various friends since. The atmosphere between us is difficult to say the least with my wife becoming very angry no matter what I do.
We have 3 children and I am not seing them enough. I want to move back into the home but am worried that this may do more harm than good. Also, I have been advised that the longer I stay away, the more likely that she will be able to remain in the family home. Does anyone have any advice or pearls of wisdom? Seeking solicitors advice seems to be prohibitively expensive.
From what I''ve heard, the general advice is to ''stay put'' in the family home. You have every right to be there.
Just a couple of tips. The first is go and find some free sessions with solicitors - you can then start to get an idea about what is involved in the process. (This said, it does vary regionally - one area offered free advice, whereas another area didn''t).
Second: do whatever you can to consolidate your financial position. Take copies of bank accounts, savings accounts - anything like that you can lay your hands on. Also, make sure that you''ve access to all your financial accounts. Open your own current account and get your salary paid into there. The early days are tough since you feel that you''re not in control - getting access to all this stuff and having your own account means that you are starting to get back control.
Third: she''s probably getting angry due to guilt - it''s easier to blame you rather than herself for her own actions. In these situations there''s likely to be a lot of nonsense coming from her side - make sure you filter it aggressively. Also, don''t try to analyse ''why'' just yet - answers come with time - just make sure you do what you have to do to consolidate your position.
Good advice from JJ. Take control of your finances and try to let her anger wash over you - it''s typical behaviour and though you probably don''t want to hear it, it probably means she is having an affair. She will be desperately unhappy and blames your relationship for that rather then looking for the real cause.
In the meantime you need to look after yourself - eating and sleeping may seem impossible but they are important to your well being.
How the house and other assets will be sorted will depend on lots of factors - how long you have been married, your incomes, ages, ages of children, assets and debts inc mortgage and pensions. Don''t make any agreements or enter into negotiations until you have got over the initial shock and have got some advice - the free half hour with a solicitor might help if you can get it, so will the more knowledgeable wikis on this site.
Presuming your wife is the primary carer for the children, she will have a good case for getting more than half the assets and possibly be able to stay in the house until the youngest is 18.
Just remember - you are now dealing with someone who has been taken over by aliens.
It helps with the finances (at least it helped me) to download form E (the one you submit to court if you have to go that far) and to fill it in. That way you have a handle on on exactly what there is to divide up and can (with any luck) come to an amicable arrangement.
Contesting the financial settlement can go into 5 figures for both of you. It makes more sense to be amicable, do it on a shoestring and make sure your children have something to inherit. If your major asset is the family house, the cost of a dispute will be out of all proportion to the potential gain.
The usual advice is to stay put, the reason for this is as follows
Once you are out the momentum behind proceedings can grind to a halt, so you are left paying some or all of the mortgage and bills and having to rent yourself, at this point your s2bx has no incentive to push through the divorce and financial proceedings, just sit pretty in the house that you are paying for.
What ever you rent is likley to be your accomadation for some time, you would be in a position where you could not have the children for overnight, but your housing needs would be met so you could endup as a McDonalds dad. You end up unable to afford to rent a large enough property and still paying the mortgage.
If you do move back in, you must simply not get into any arguments or heated discussions, failing to do so could end you up on the end of an occupation and non molestation order.