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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

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Wife had affair, I gave her black eye, advice pls

  • Davidgeorge
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17 Jul 12 #343818 by Davidgeorge
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This is my first post on this forum, I have recently found out my wife has been having an affair for a few months.

Basically I''ve been working too much, I was too tired most of the time to take care of her emotional and physical needs. So she ended up getting it elsewhere, I am devastated and heartbroken, I really really loved her so much, all the work I did was to make a better future for us. Every day I am crying like a 3 year old, I hate the feelings I have (when will these feelings go away).

We were both drunk one night, we had an argument and, I ended up pushing her over on the bed and the side of her face hit the headboard and her cheek swelled resulting in a bruise and black eye that lasted just over a week. I regret doing that, I just lost control, it was the first time I''ve ever hurt a woman. Knowing my wife was having an affair was driving me crazy.... It''s no excuse though.

We''ve both agreed that a divorce is now the best option for us both.

I found out that she was having an affair as I made recordings of her telephone calls.

My wife does not want me to file for divorce on grounds of adultery, she said if I do that, she''ll file on domestic violence and go after my businesses.

We''ve come to an agreement that we''ll file on grounds of unreasonable behaviour and keep it out of the courts and away from solicitors, she''ll leave my businesses and assets alone and I wont go after her assets either. I''ll just give her half of what equity is in the house and pay her a little bit of cash (a few grand) to go away.

I''ve also got a video recording of us making love, I am using this and the telephone recordings as insurance to make sure she sticks to her word. I''ve agreed that once her name is off the house and we''ve signed the Decree Absolute and the judge/courts have approved the Consent Order, I will give her the recordings of telephone calls and the video to destroy.

My heads a mess right now, please forgive me if what I''ve said does not make sense and I expect a few of you may feel I am nasty to use the recordings as a bargaining chip....

Thankfully we have no kids.

Has any one got any advice please?

  • rubytuesday
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17 Jul 12 #343826 by rubytuesday
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My advice would be to destroy the video of you and your wife making love, and also the illegal phone recordings you have made. NO good can come of you retaining these, other than as a source of blackmail against your wife.

How long have you been married? Your wife may well have agreed to your demands regarding asset division because of the video and illegal recordings you are holding against her.

Her private telephone conversations aren''t proof of adultery, I''m afraid, although they may have confirmed she is having some sort of relationship with someone else.

You can''t keep a divorce out of Court, divorce is a legal process and requires varying documents to be submitted to Court and be put in front of a Judge.

  • Davidgeorge
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17 Jul 12 #343830 by Davidgeorge
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I placed recording equipment in my house, how is this illegal?

Thanks for your reply though.

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17 Jul 12 #343832 by cookie2
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I don''t think anyone here or on any other forum will condone blackmail. Yes these recordings are illegal because they were made without your wife''s permission.

You can keep it out of court if your wife also wants to. It will be a lot cheaper for both of you. If she is not prepared to co-operate with an adultery Petition then it does not make sense to try. It is a lot more sensible to use unreasonable behaviour.

  • wmorris2
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17 Jul 12 #343835 by wmorris2
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Davidgeorge wrote:

I placed recording equipment in my house, how is this illegal?

Thanks for your reply though.


As stated you didn''t have permission. It''s not the same as home cctv. If you have a video of you having sex with her and she turns nasty over the assualt against her (which is basically what it is) and the Police find that you will be in very hot water.

You can not use the phone calls in court as you didn''t ask for her permission (which is why all companys do this now) and to be honest by tapping her phone/the phone you have commited an offence.

My advice - get rid of it all and never do it again. Your business is in trouble anyway if you are in prision anyway.

Sorry but if you don''t believe me go look up PACE (which is the Police And Criminal Evidence Act) and see for yourself.

  • Marshy_
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17 Jul 12 #343837 by Marshy_
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As others have said, bin the video and the phone recordings. They have no place in the divorce process. I know yr wife had an affair and that is bad. But you lost the moral high ground when she got hurt.

There is no way she can file on DV. Divorce is a no blame process. It wouldnt matter if you hit her upside the head with number 1 frying pan everynight. Perhaps the worst thing she could do is get you arrested for common assault.

As for going after yr assets, she could very well do this anyway. And you could go after hers. People say things they dont mean in the heat of battle. And what you have is 50% hers anyway. Same the other way round.

Best thing you can do is learn from all this. I know you said that you have never hit a women before but you did on this occaision.

Of all the issues you have, this is perhaps the most serious one. You pushed her hard enough for her to have a chimney. Perhaps you could explore this area once the divorce is done with a view as to never doing this again. C.

  • Davidgeorge
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17 Jul 12 #343846 by Davidgeorge
Reply from Davidgeorge
OK, thanks for all the replies, messages understood.

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